I hate my mom
So, when I was a kid my mom was either super nice to me or she was basically really scary. She scared me so much. She scared me because she yelled at me super loud and sometimes she hit me. A couple days ago we were fighting and I yelled "That she wasn't being fair" and my brother came in and started yelling at my mom(he's six years older than me) and how he told me right in front of my mom that when I was a kid and how My brother walked in my room when my mom was yelling on me and that he saw my leg was all bruised up. And Honestly I HATE her so much. Because every night when I was a kid she would yell at me every day, hit me, or every other day and then at night she would walk in all innocent saying that she is Sorry and she just wants what is good for me. And be being a stupid kid I ALWAYS forgave her. Every damn time. Until I think I was around the age of nine she came in, said sorry, I said I forgive her like I always do, but this time it was different, when I hugged her I felt nothing, I didn't hate her but I sure as hell didn't forgive her and I was really mad at her, but I can't say anything or do anything. She has complete control over me. I can't live the way I want. Because she is like a control freak who has to control everything, and stuck up so as if , if she says something it's right and that's the end. If you try to argue with her she will just repeat false evidence. She always tricks me into thinking that it's all my fault and that I actually did something wrong. Like she gets mad at me for not making my bed, studying at 10:30 PM, eating the way I want to, basically not agreeing with her. She doesn't even let me choose my own clothes. Today she was just saying something like about buying shoes for me and she said I'm going to go and buy shoes for you and I looked at her kind of annoyed and she started yelling like "YOUR JUST A KID YOU HAVE NO SAY IN THIS. YOU CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO AND WHATS RIGHT AND WHATS WRONG. STOP SHOWING ATTITUDE WITH YOUR EYES. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SHOW A REACTION LIKE THAT." Her yelling at me is like someones breathe stinks and there's breathing like 2 inches away from your face and all you can do is stand there and let it in. Nothing else. I get sso sos so mad. Especially because I cant do anything! I also feels like she plays these weird mind games with me and it gets me so furious I get scared that I will end up like her one day if I don't yell back and say that shes wrong. But that always makes ti worse. No matter what. And if I don't say anything I feel like I'm accepting it I feel stuck, hopeless, and like a puppet she just messes with me to get me mad. Just for the fun of it, and I can't do anything. I'm sorry this is so wrong but, .. Am I over exaggerating? .. :/ She made me cry so much when I was a kid and then I just stopped caring about life, all that crying and feelings always wondering why me and why is she doing this and getting mad at myself for making her mad it all just became Numb. Soon I found out it was all because she thought people would see me and think of how bad a parent SHE was. She did a good job at making be shut up and just sitting there like a statue in any family gatherings. If I didnt I knew the next morning she would make me cry and yell at me. Now I'm starting to care again, definitely not for her, but I'm getting super mad, TBH I honestly want her out of my life. I would be so so so so much happier never EVER EVER seeing her again. NEVER. She's like a 100 floor building over my shoulders but I'm still alive and I can't do any thing until I can move out. All I know is her being a control freak and all, that's not going to be pretty.