I hate my 23 year old daughter, iin?

I am a divorced mom of two daughters (20 year old and 23 year old), one respects me and the other doesn't. I was sick with paralysis for over a year. One helped me and the other moved to her friends house. One visited me in the hospital the two times I was admitted and the other did not. One screams at me nasty names and the other doesn't. She attends church 3x a week, yet treats her sister, father and me terribly.

I used to love my 23 year old who I was very close to, she was my favorite and now I literally feel just about nothing but hatred for her. I call her terrible names. I'm awful to her as she has been to me now. She has never tried to change or apologize to me for how badly she treated me when I was sick or how she treats me now. I now feel nothing, but resentment for her. I feel guilty, but can't seem to change the way I feel for and respond to her. She looks for fights with her sister and myself almost daily. She has called me trash in defence of people she barely knows just to hurt me. No matter what, I am always wrong. The only person she hates and treats worse than me is her father who pays all of her bills. He hates me so much he takes her side against me constantly.

She had been a sickly child (almost died from pneumonia 3x) and special ed due to a form of dyslexia called; Auditory Processing Delay. I focused most of my attention on her and (emotionally) neglected my younger, because I was so wrapped up in helping the sick one. Now the one I helped treats her sister and myself like dirt. At this point I want to kick her out of my house, but one of my friends says that it would be wrong. She has two more years to finish her degree. She calls all my friends in order to align them against me. She has been successful in straining my relationship with my closest friend and now my closest friend is on her side against me. My friend always takes the child's side, no matter what the situation. I'm losing her friendship and now my daughter has turned to my second losest friend. She also dumped all of her own High School girlfriends, because she says they are trash too.

I feel she is trying to destroy me, I don't know why an don't know what to do. I love the daughter she used to be before I got sick. I don't know the person she has become. I pray to die almost daily, just to escape my misery and guilt toward her. Please help me with your opinions.

Thank you, Angie

Voting Results
47% Normal
Based on 30 votes (14 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • noid

    Is she on drugs? Borderline personality disorder? You and her (and maybe her sister too) see a counselor together and work communication skills?

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    • I agree to go see a counselor together. Sounds like a communication problem, which is probably %90 of social problems.

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      • noid

        Yes!

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  • ItoldYaIwasTrouble

    In this day & age hating an offspring seems normal. My mother despises me,yet i've never done anything wrong to her. In my opinion i just think it boils down to plain old jealousy

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  • NobodyKnows

    It IS possible for kids to abuse their parents. Cut contact with her.

    If you really had mistreated your daughter, she most likely wouldn't *want* to talk to you or be near you. And even if she is reacting to something you really did do, this revenge is not helping her.

    Either way, the best thing for you to do is cut contact with her, until she changes her behavior.

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  • jusmyluck

    I have 4 kids. The 2 oldest ones really put me and my husband through alot but I could NEVER hate them. A parents love should be unconditional. Maybe she needs to go to counseling. Maybe she got scared when you became really sick and she's afraid that something is going to happen to you so she is doing this as a way to build up her defenses. Is it right what she's doing? No, not at all but you shouldn't hate her and you should have never of had any "favorites" either. It might be best if all of you go into counseling.

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  • FuckYouSaEarth

    Can I suggest an approach? I have always wanted my mom to do this to me when I was a child. Just listen and dig deep. Do not address her destructive comments or her criticisms, it would only add oil to the fire. It is better to listen and let her rant until she gets tired because maybe you hurt her in some way and she is only letting it out now.

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  • ArayaLioness

    Have you two tried to communicate? Tried to talk to one another and understand each other?

    Family counseling would be a good way to help you two. I'm sure your relationship can be salvaged.

    Next time, don't neglect EITHER child.

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  • RoseIsabella

    She sounds spoiled and entitled.

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