I get very attached to partners but i want the relationship to be open

26% Normal

I really want someone that is my main person; who I am with for decades, I want to be very close to them emotionally and enjoy sex with them. I also want to have many other relationships where I am close emotionally and sexually but less significantly, and have one night stands, WHILE I am in this long term relationship with my "primary partner". I am 21 but I have felt this way for a while. So, is it normal to want a very long term "open relationship"?

Note: Not sure if I'd bother getting married? Would also like to hear IN THE COMMENTS, if you think it would be normal for me to want an open marriage with the same attributes described above.

Voting Results

26% Normal

Based on 23 votes (6 yes)

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Comments ( 25 )

WhiteStallion

9 years ago

Not normal for me. Wouldn't be able to stand my partner being with anyone else. And how will you find people who just want a one-night stand besides prostitutes... Have you ever been really in love with someone?
You're young so maybe you have commitment issues or this is just a fantasy of yours. Either way I don't see how no one could get hurt in such a situation. How would you feel if a member of your family, like your sister was involved with someone like who you would want to be.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  The phrase: "one night stand" exists because such things happen and they're not prostitutes. One night stands happen with people you might meet a bar for example.
  
  I think I have been in love.
  
  It would depend on the kind of person my sister is. Obviously if she is hurt by his actions then I think it's not a good idea. I do however find it quite conceivable that not everyone desires a monogamous relationship and that an open relationship can be fruitful.
  
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  - derpyderp
    
    9 years ago
    
    If you only THINK you have been in love then it's pretty likely you haven't.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      That is a silly hasty conclusion.
      
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RoseIsabella

9 years ago

Fuck that bullshit! I'd rather be alone or join a convent than share. I think what you want is to have your cake and eat it too which is quite selfish of you. Good luck finding someone stupid enough to buy into that bullshit who isn't bat shit crazy and flakier than a head full of dandruff.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Can you please elaborate more on how you think it would be selfish of me to desire this? My partner would be permitted just as much as I to do as they please.
  
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  - thegypsysailor
    
    9 years ago
    
    You see, that is where this whole scenario breaks down. You indicate that your partner would be 'permitted' to do whatever, as if you are in control and her/his actions are yours to permit or not.
    I think it's pretty obvious this is all speculative on your part and you have yet to have any kind of intimate relationship with another person.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Can you explain more how this scenario does not work? Your reason is because one partner says the other is allowed to do as they please, and this shows some kind of implicit control? When I say: "permitted" I simply mean that, if my partner were to engage in passions with another, I would not feel negatively.
      
      I have been in an intimate relationship. I am sure you know that not all people are the same. Your own experience can't be applied to everyone else's lives. Is it so hard to imagine that some people might desire something different than yourself?
      
      There is a common pattern when someone desires something that is not normally desired sexually. They are told they have never really been: "in love", and the actions themselves are attemptedly degraded ("like [an] animal").
      
      If two people are okay with something. that is their business. I'm not alone either. It is not a young, naive, un-experienced notion to think this as you say. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_love
      
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      - thegypsysailor
        
        9 years ago
        
        We are not talking about me here. We are discussing your desire to do as you damn well please and your partner must agree or be gone.
        Good luck, but I don't think your going to find anybody who wants to live by those rules.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        9 years ago
        
        Ironic that you try to point the finger at me for changing the subject. I addressed all that you had to say clearly. You have been the one that has simply ignored most of what I have had to say and instead have just thrown verbal attacks.
        
        At no point did I say that any relationship I have has to follow my desire described above.
        
        I am pretty surprised at how rude you've been been from the start. I simply asked: "On your definition can love only exist if sex desired to be entirely exclusive?" That was a nice honest question. I posted this for a chance at some helpful words. You responded by saying my desire was akin to: "needing to fuck your brains out with any old whore, like some rutting animal". Thanks. You know, I think you do lead by example when it comes to relationships with people.
        
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thegypsysailor

9 years ago

I really don't think you are going to find a partner to go along with this idea.
Have you ever been in love? If you are really in love, I don't think you are going to want to share that person, so I doubt whether you'll really want an open relationship then.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  On your definition can love only exist if sex desired to be entirely exclusive?
  
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  - thegypsysailor
    
    9 years ago
    
    Has more to do with being completely satisfied with the one you love and not needing to fuck your brains out with any old whore, like some rutting animal. You'll understand when you mature a bit, I hope.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Do we say a friendship is devalued if someone "needs" other friends?
      
      It's interesting that you compare the action to animal behavior when they're are lots of non-human species that are far more monogamous than we are. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extramarital_sex#Prevalence
      
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Fall_leaves

9 years ago

Would you be wearing condoms with these other women/men? To protect against stds and pregnancy. Would you be cool if your partner also has hookups too?

Definitely make a point to tell the girl before you get serious with her because if your partner isn't cool with this and she falls for you, it's going to be hell for her when you do seek out other women outside of the relationship.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I would be using as much protection as possible. I would also be okay with my partner hooking up with other people.
  
  I would never want to be deceptive about my other relationships with my "primary partner".
  
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deepthought33

9 years ago

I think I'm like this as well. Having that one person who I'll always choose over any other and they would likewise reciprocate that loyalty, but also being able to share or express passions with others.
I've never done it before, but I believe I could be in a poly amorous relationship. I'm very low-key on the drama and I'm not really the jealous type.
It's the reciprocation and mental/emotional loyalty that's important to me.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Thank you. If it hasn't already been portrayed, what you have said I resonate with also.
  
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Nokiot9

9 years ago

Sounds nice. I'd love a set up like that. I've been trying to get my GF to come to terms with my sexuality and give me a pass when I need it lol. An open relationship would take care of it all. It's just extremely difficult to find a woman that's okay with sharing her man. They shy away, because 5000 years ago if they got knocked up by a promiscuous man, they'd end up hoofing it alone. So it's cemented into their DNA not to put up with shit like that. Which is frustrating. Because it isn't cheating if everyone has an opportunity to participate and if everyone is honest. It's take one hell of a self secure woman to deal with that shit. I haven't found her like. And u probably won't either lol.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I've already met a handful of women who are interested or have already participated in open relationships. I live in California in a very liberal part though. Very close to San Francisco. I think this has some to do with it.
  
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KeepsakeDoll

9 years ago

As long as your partner is open to the idea and doesn't mind then I say it's fine. Just be cautious when doing it with other people.

If your partner also wants to do this, the other problem that could happen is that your partner gets attached to another. Basically, emotionally cheating on you.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Thanks for your input. I agree with all your points.
  
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slings_and_arrows

9 years ago

It's not like polyamorous relationships don't exist.

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Are You Normal?

I get very attached to partners but i want the relationship to be open