I get angry at the way i feel because i feel out of control with my...

I get angry at the way I feel because I feel I can't control my emotions and I don't understand my brain!
Over time I have changed a lot! I am quite upset with the way I have become over the past few years. I am 22 and I had my best moments when I was about 16 (teenage years) and younger! I used to be a very gutsy person and wouldn't think twice! My parents looked up/admired this and I was happy that I was the "Just do it" type of person I was becoming and embracing.
Skip ahead...........At the age of 20 I developed a bad anxiety disorder for some months that spiraled me into deep depression and I was suicidal. I came out of that, got better and was quite happy again. I was left scarred from the awful memory and all the awful thoughts I had gotten from anxiety. In a way I was never the same but I was no longer afraid of the fear of panic. 2 years later I had a major stressful event take place in my life which lead me into another spiral of immense anxiety! I thought I was dying again but here I am still alive. Thing is, I feel it has come back with revenge. It isn't intrusive thoughts anymore but now I have fear of panic attacks! Yet again I feel trapped. I am much better but I feel my mind has changed and I feel anxious each day. It's as if my mind has programmed my self to get anxious ! I fear any heart rate increase because it reminds me of panic attacks and all the terrible symptoms that came with it! I just don't feel like im me anymore. I am much better but I have had this mind state for about 4 months and I don't find my self enjoying much anymore. I am not suicidal anymore nor depressed but I get quite upset with my mind and how I can't just shrug off certain feelings and thoughts! I don't want anxiety at all! I want to be happy but It's very hard. Sorry long rant. I just hope someone reads this and can give me some insight because I don't like who I have become. I wish none of this ever happened !