I feel weird after masturbating to my friend's picture

I have had this female friend for the past year and she is extremely attractive, both in the girl next door sort of way (meaning she is easy to talk to, playful and sweet) but also in the really hot sort of way. She has been really good to me and is the only girl im truly excited to talk to, and i think she feels the same way about me. We are clearly just friends and all of our interation has been pretty playful and innocent, but about a week ago she came to college (university) with an outfit really made me see her in a new way. She wasn't dressed slutty or anything she just looked so cute and perfect, she looked kinda like Dua Lipa and i began to realize that. After that i began to fantasize about her every night, its gotten really messed up. I've visited her facebook page hundreds of times, know every detail about her, what she does for fun, the names of all of her friends and even the names of her relatives. I want to be with her and marry her, I had a dream a few days ago that i was taking care of a son the two of us had together, her sitting warm comfy on the couch smiling and asking me to pass her the remote so she could put on her favorite show.

Then finally the straw that broke the cammels back for me was when is saw a photo of her and her friends she posted just a few weeks ago during the summer break. She was in this tight little bikini, i could see her nice tight clean soft cammel toe through her red bikini. I imagined myself undressing her, slowly removing the warm cloths encasing her sacred private area for me and only me to see. To penetrate her, to hear her moan and cling to me like a cute animal absorbing all of my strength. I cummed to her picture... and after that i cried knowing that the next time i would see her, things would never be the same. she would no longer be a symbol of innocence and friendship to me but instead something i wanted to make love to.

Yesterday my worst nightmare came true when it turned out that i was right. I had grown too attached to her romantically and i was nervous the whole time she was around. I was shaking and worrying throughout class and sweated so much that i had to take a bathroom break to cool off. One time through this she asked me if i was okay. I think i really screwed things up when she asked me to repeat something that she had trouble hearing and as i moved in closer to her face, i closed my eyes and triend to lean in for a kiss. She moved awkwardly and looked at me with eyes of jugement.

I want to bring things to the sexual level with this girl... She was a good friend of mine before this, what should i do. I want to just put my arms around her breasts and squeeze them, then squeeze her tight little ass and kiss and smell her cammel toe. i am becoming really weird with her around, and my thoughts reflect this.