I feel lost

well i have been dating my boyfriend for roughly 4 years now we had are ups and downs and my depression. with my depression it gets to the point where I don't want to have sex, be touched etc i sometime just don't talk to people not even him. so I found out he's been talking and sending pictures to other girls which now has upped my depression to its highest point to where I think I need professional help (I'm zoning out 90% of the time and I don't feel like I'm actually here.) basically he says he's sorry and lets move on. so he's a clingy type of guy so I'm at my point of lets break up because i cant even handle myself anymore, but he wont let me leave. so is it normal for me to want him to break up with me or am i a horrible person haha.