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Recently, I was raped. The police caught the guy who did it, but lately I've been feeling torn. I didn't want it, but my body said otherwise. It made me wet, and I had an orgasm while it happened. I feel dirty, like some part of me is saying I wanted it.
It is perfectly normal. Your body had a physiological response. There is nothing t feel ashamed or embarrassed by. Many women even develop feelings for their rapists most likely as a coping mechanism.
Hang in there.
I'm sorry that happened to you. My first REAL boyfriend raped me too, TWICE! I eventually forgave him the first time but after the second time I dumped him for good. The thing is, I miss him. The two rapes were our only sex together. I started missing him not long after I dumped him. I thought it would pass but that was over 25 years ago and I still miss him. I wish he didn't wreck what we had, or mess up my head so much
Your body responded to the physical aspect of what happened and that's very possible . You may possess submissive traits or kinky fantasies beneath the surface . Time will help you heal but if you still want him to fuck you after the fact then i think there is an issue you might want therapy for .
The human body reacts to sexual acts.
Whether we want it to or not.
DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED.
Your body had a natural reaction to stimulation. Just because it reacted doesn't mean you wanted it.
:)