I feel like i'm hard on my mother way too much

I feel bad because I'm hurting her in the process and sometimes I cry because I know I'm in the wrong for doing this. I want to continue to have a good relationship, but my brother and my friends think I should chill and get some professional help again. While writing this post I feel like guilt shaming myself because I feel like I need to also resort to doing that.

For more context: I get angry at my mom and she thinks I hate her a lot and it's to the point I then throw her under the bus every single time. When she asked questions as to why I do this I got really defensive but after this happens after having talking it out my mom forgives me after forgiving her and I personally pursue to keep having a good relationship with my mom.