I feel like i am worth nothing when i'm not physically 'perfect'.

62% Normal
4 Comments

when i was a kid, i was outgoing. In gradeschool, I slowly became chubby. before i got fatter, i would have regular school yard confrontations, but as i got fatter, kids that didn't like me started to make fun of me only for my chubby appearance, and used it as a way to reject me, and my dad and couple other family members made fun of me for my fatness as well. when i turned into a teen, i starved myself and became an introverted skinny person. i actually became clinically anorexic for a time, though i never set out to be 'anorexic'. now i'm now an adult, and am still somewhat reserved in nature, and have somehow remined thinner for most of my adult life, but thankfully am no longer hardcore anorexic. lately, i've been allowing myself to get a little more out of shape than i ever would before, and have not been so regimented with eating as i usually am. i would almost call it fearless enjoyment...i haven't gained more than 5 pounds in the last year, but i am so much less in shape than i used to be. even i find it pathetic, but i feel like now that i no longer appear as attractive as i could possibly appear, realtively speaking, that no one i knew who hasn't seen me since i've changed/new people i've yet to meet will have any reason to care for me. this includes most friends and accquaintances, and even some parts of my family. i feel that since i no longer am trying as hard as possible to look as good as i can, that no one will see an interest in caring for me, as i do for them. i am not overweight. my weight falls within the limits for my height and age, but i am definitely as out of shape as i can almost tolerate. as i said, i think it's kind of crazy that i feel this way, but since i am so introverted now, i can't imagine how a stranger would ever have an interest in talking to me for more than a few moments, as i feel that the best i have to offer now is my personality, and on first (or numerous) glance(s), my personality is not as good as i could ever look, being that i am now intrinsically shy and more contemplative than interactive...how normal/abnormal am i in feeling this way? old friends who have talked to me on the phone since i've gotten the way i am now still like me and probably picture me looking like i did before...i fear seeing them again, as i feel they'd write me off as a slob now, if they saw me again... :( I would never hold someone else up to the physical standards that i do to myself...this is a one-way thing for me...

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62% Normal
Based on 42 votes (26 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • firefly88
    13 years ago

    I am very selfconsciious of my looks and would never let myself go over 95 lbs. (5"2). I just feel more comfortable in my own skin being thin

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  • PalimPalim
    13 years ago

    I know how you feel. I do not know if it is normal though...
    I am too, since my childhood, thinking somewhat that I can't be loved when I am not looking great. Or at least average (sadly my standard for myself is very high). I don't think like that about other people at all, but for me... how I feel depends greatly on how I look.

    After giving birth a few months ago my life is a mess. Mostly because I just can't accept my "new" body. The same goes for the fact of getting older. I always think if I reached a certain limit of age (in which I look "old") that then my life is over because no one is going to like me then.

    I think for us both it's because of the way we were treated as children. My father always told us girls we should lose a little more weight, shape up, dye our hair et cetera. Because things like that we perhaps kind of connected self esteem with our appearance.

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  • xyz
    13 years ago

    Physical perfection is all in your head. I think it is normal for everyone to want to weigh a little less than what is medically acceptable. The level at which it controls one's life depends on other factors, such as depression. You can get yourself completely down if you keep thinking about it. I work out incessantly, and look in the mirror twice a day finding things that aren't right. It can be come an obsession and take over your life, so just be careful.

    Attitude is also important, I have days where I wake up, and feel like crap, and after a while you realize the way you are treated from day to day is reflective of how you feel. So, if you have the mindset that a stranger would not want to talk to you, then they probably won't. If you think that someone would never want to care for you, do you want to care for you?

    I'm not lecturing, because I have the same problem, but I try very hard to start the day with this in mind so that I don't go crazy and destroy relationships, and the possibility of new ones.

    Try getting some new clothes if you haven't in a while, something that just looks good. Try to avoid situations where you start questioning your worth. Get into situations that are more difficult not to socialize.

    Sometimes eating is solely a control thing, and since you mentioned anorexia it is quite possible. Try organizing, or perhaps re-arranging furniture. Since that can give you a feeling of control in your environment, it may lessen how you feel about yourself.

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  • Thenormalinator
    13 years ago

    I am really skinny compared to others in my school, but, try drinking more high caffeine drinks, i have heard that they trick the body into thinking you have ate something, so it stops you from eating snacks when you shouldn't :), I am skinny because I am a caffeine drink addicts. If the caffeine drinks don't work, then it is probably because you have low metabolism (body processes your fat too slow or something), no more Haribo sweets for you :3 *munch*, OH and if you want a disgusting way of getting slimmer, drink tons of orange juice/lemon juice, or if you want muscle, take calcium piillllz oO..Oo <-- seeing doublez :3

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