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I try to dress and act like a regular guy when I'm in public. I'm relatively good-looking and I can be very likable when I want to be. I think I fit in well with society, but nobody really knows how dark my mind is. I feel like I'm hiding my craziness behind my smile which makes life extremely boring and hard. What should I do??
Vent all your dark feelings here with us, including your sense of remorse about the horror. Tell us why you are glad that you control your actions for the safety of others.
I worried that if I vent all my dark feelings on the internet, the FBI will monitor me or show up at my door. Yes, they're that bad.
Firstly, your feelings are warranted because the NSA monitors everybody. But what they are looking for is risk factors. If you do not own firearms, do not have a criminal record, do not have religious or national affiliations, have no history of foreign travel, and no history of association to other high risk individuals, you are okay. You have to write in a way that makes it pure fantasy so that you can never take action.
Try fictionalizing your characters - the evil witch, the noble underling from medieval society, the persecuted alien subordinate. Put everything in third person. "He/She" vs. you/I.
I think if we all knew how dark each other were most people would be shocked.
Get an secret Instagram to vent all your feelings on. That’s what I have.
Start your own blog or something ..
It feels good to get everything out even if nobody reads it and if people do read it, you might find some like minded people :)
Find a way to safely express yourself. Find people who share your "dark" mindset, or at least don't mind. Slowly draw them together with your life into a seemless whole. Life is what you make of it, but it takes time.