I feel i have lost my true personality?

Thanks to everyone who replied.
I understand all of your point of views, and
it seriously does feel good to know people care, all of your replies felt genuine.

You're all correct, too. I know one of the main things I have to do is avoid my parents, it just gets hard, because every once in awhile my mom will be sober and be perfect and we'll have a great day. Those days hurt the most.

But thank you so much for the responses, they mean a lot more to me than one would expect.

This post really bothers me on several levels. First of all the dynamic in your household is unhealthy and when you are able to break away you must at all costs. I don't recommend you taking weight control pills at this age (or any for that matter) as they can cause numerable problems for you later in life, mainly with your internal organs (that are still growing) and metabolism. Plus the fact that most weight control pills are unregulated and contain things that have not been studied fully by scientists. Get off of them now.

Next, you need to finish school. It's imperative since you only have one year left to continue and succeed so that college is waiting for you. That is your out. I suggest that if you have good friends or places other than home to visit, do that as often as to can. Normally I would say that avoidance is not healthy, but in this case I would avoid the family as much as possible so that you can focus on your work and mental health.

Also, it sounds like you have a very bad case of depression. When I was your age I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. I'm not saying that this is what you have, but much of what you have been doing I did (the cutting etc...). Plus the fact that you have teenage hormones in an unstable environment. I honestly think that if you can find a trustworthy counselor or adult you should speak with them about the self destructive habits that you have.

I do NOT recommend smoking weed as an escape or drinking or smoking cigarettes or turning to any other self-medicating drug. Your problems will just be waiting for you anyway. Since you already have a family history of abuse, this activity will most-likely harm you more than trying to cope in other ways. Why not try to get involved in extra-curricular activities in your school? Maybe find a part-time job.

You should try and talk to your brother about your feelings also. Chances are that you are on the same level and he shares the same worries as you. Hopefully together you can come up with some other options. He probably jacks up the sterio or television because he is just as (if not more) fed-up with the situation as you.

I wish you luck. You sound like a sweet person.

~Peace~

Wow, I can't say much except I feel you, and it makes me happy to see so many strangers wanting to help people, even in little ways like an internet comment. There are great people out there, and all you have to do is know you are to, and everything will work out. Your story is really rather sad, and I wish you the best of luck with whatever decision you make.

I think you should go to college... and weed is not going to make anything better. I am 16 and had the same problems as you. I wanted to change and be happy again and so I decided to go to a different country and start all over in a bording school. I visit my mom every holiday and make sure shes ok and now i managed to get her in to rehab and i hope she will stop drinking and taking drugs. I used to cut my selve all the time and when my mom found out she used to hit me. And now i am glad i moved away to a bording school i helped my self and my mom by getting her to rehab.

Sounds like you need to find something or someone that makes you happy. Being miserable isn't worth it. Been there.

talk to your brother. It might seem like he ignores it, but he's probably feeling the same way you are. Maybe together you can figure out something to do.

Ignore your mother wanting to give your weightloss pills. I can't believe that! Sounds like your parents need drugs to operate and you definitely do not. Education is a healthy drug though and so are friends! I know it's hard to believe that you are a possibly a better person than your parents, but you're still young. Neither of these individuals should be role models in any way. Do you have any god parents that live around you? Maybe you could stay with them until you finish your semester. And, please don't cut yourself. You're young and too straightheaded to let the evils of life get you down. Realize you can change ANYTHING if you put a confident and competent head forward! I promise!

Reading this story really makes me think I'm reading my mirror situation. :'(
That's so bad and never ending. I'm always neither sad nor happy, have trichotillomania, grades have dropped and same shit. Dunno what to do.

i know how u feel...=(
but dont kill urself, that isnt the way. its just cowardly u know? i guess u should just hang on, and try not to let anything get you down. soon it'll get better.

hey there. iv been through a lot of suicidal thinking and acting... if theres one thing iv learned, if iv tired to die so many times and im still here, there must b a reason for it.. theres also a reason i was going through that pain...
i know the apathy, feeling dead, not knowing how ur still walking... felling alone, and keeping it all in... my father isnt a drunk although he does hav a temprer and pysically acts out on it, and my mom ignors it even though shes witnessed it... even though u may not want to, seek a theropist, and trust me i know money can b an issue, so if thats the case go to an EA meeting... they r free and very supportive... EA stands for Emotions Anonymous... its a branch off AA.... u can find locations by typing EA meetings in the google search bar... i wish the best for u... and ill pray for u..

you are normal...you will want to find a counselor..not because you are not normal, but because they will be able to give you additional support and help you to make a healthy life for yourself. If you do not have much parental support this is a good way to go. Ask for a counselor with a slidding scale. If you explain your situation to the counselor that will help too. You are young. People will want to help you out.

Please see a youth counsellor or someone for additional support, resources and answers. You've come such a long way through family hardships and are now so close to being on your own and higher education.

Certainly forget the idea of self medication & drugs. Think about going to al anon & also getting some professional support.

Suiside is not the answer. Ther is a lot of things that can help. It is diferant for everyone so I dont know what you need to do. I know that what helps anyone is to talk about it. Also you are not the only one who feels the way you do. I know what it is like and just last year I tried to kill myself and I ended up in a coma for a wile.
If you ever Whant to talk to someone that dose not know you my e-mail is [email protected]

I know this may not be the place to say this but I couldn't help thinking it when I came across your story. I'm a Christian and I believe that God made everyone of us with a desire to be with him in our hearts. I also believe that when we feel empty, that this is him prompting us to look for him. It is normal to feel empty, we often try and fill that emptiness with other things, food, no food, cutting, people, alcohol, drugs, anything but I believe that the only way to feel whole is to start to get to know him through his word and his son Jesus. I've often felt how you have, especially after my father passed away, and I've found that just picking up a bible and reading some of the New Testement really helps me to feel whole again. It's your choice ultimately, but I think it would really help you.

To be honest... It's not normal to want to kill yourself and I'll try to not make that the focus of my commentary. It sounds to me your just not complacent with your life. To tell you the truth... I'm 17 aswell. My mom is never home, and my dad killed himself 3 months ago. I haven't wanted to kill myself ever. Even before all this, it was kind of like your family. In a way. My mom was bi-polar so I was the brunt of all her problems, she even tried to kill me once, and my dad was an alchoholic he put a gun at me once. My mom left when I was 14 and my dad took care of me. He even stopped drinking for a while and got a little better. Then he got remarried and he started again. All I can say is your problems aren't so bad. People always have it worse. So don't put your life on the line about it.
2nd of all, if it's so bad at your house, I would really consider you emancipating yourself. Getting yourself far away from the drama. But if you move off, DON'T go off by yourself! Get a roommate, you know? So you're okay.