I feel extremely numb but want to cry? (read description)

7 Comments

So, I suffer with some bad depression, undiagnosed, but it's really obvious. Tonight, my feelings just disappeared and I want to cry. At first, I was frantically looking for what was wrong, but something felt off and wrong, I wanted to cry my eyes out. I couldn't find anything that was wrong, so I tried to distract myself. While still on the verge of tears, I rummaged through all my stuff only to find nothing to distract myself with except a crumpled paper, which I proceeded to crumple more for half an hour, staring off blankly. Now I feel numb and blank. No emotions, I still feel like crying but only because I hate this feeling. I've never gotten help for my depression, and I don't think I can because I'm a teenager and I can't get help on my own, I can't tell my parents because I can't hurt them like that. They always tell me if I ever felt like that they would be so hurt. I don't know what to do!

This is normal, but still tell your parents. 0
This is a bit abnormal, but you may just be having a bad day. 0
This is a normal part of depression, it's okay. 5
This isn't normal, but don't tell your parents. 0
This isn't normal, you should go see a doctor and tell your parents. 8
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Comments ( 7 )
  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    You need to talk to someone who can give you professional advice, but you also need to see a doctor. The reason is that it could be an emotional problem but it could also be a physical problem. You'll feel a lot better. Also, don't worry about how your parents will take it. They parents: it is their responsibility to help you. Sometimes parents say stupid things because they're ignorant, so you may need to be very straightforward with them that you need help.

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    • imtootiredforthisshit
      5 years ago

      Thank you so much:)

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  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    Honestly, if anyone told me that they would be so hurt if I were to tell them I was depressed I wouldn't give a rat's ass, because as far as I'm concerned that kinda talk is just emotional blackmail.

    If you honestly can't tell your folks then tell a trusted adult, or call a crisis hotline if you have to do so. You don't have to keep all of that pain inside you just to spare someone else's "feelings", fuck that codependent, toxic-ass bullshit!

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    • imtootiredforthisshit
      5 years ago

      Thank you a lot, it really helped:)

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      • RoseIsabella
        5 years ago

        You're very welcome, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart! I've been living with, and fighting depression and anxiety for the better part of thirty years. It probably started to get really bad sometime in my teenage years, but I didn't start to really get help until I was away at college in my mid twenties. From the get go I felt like an underachiever, because I was living in the dorms? and working on my bachelor's degree program at an age when most people are either done with school or working on their master's degree. The thing about depression is that it zaps all of your motivation, and eventually takes you to a place of not wanting to exist, which makes it almost impossible to function like a normal human being much less be on your A-game. Another thing that made my life massively difficult and excruciatingly painful in my youth was the rabid denial of my parents.

        I survived my first suicide attempt a week after my 18th birthday, and I didn't get much help, because I thought it wasn't my place to look for help. I thought my parents would get help for me if I deserved it. They did attempt to take me to a few therapists, the first two I only saw one time, and the third one whom I actually liked, I only saw twice. My father told me I would see him again after he got back from his Army Reserve trip, but once he got back my folks just continued to put me off until they just started saying bullshit like, "don't you feel better now" or "you don't really need that now, do you?" I think my parents main strategy was to have me switch high schools in my senior year, and maybe put a few more presents under the Christmas Tree than usual that year. Eventually, they seemed to have all but forgotten my desire to stop living. There were some good things that came out of that change of scenery, but it was hardly enough to fix my condition.

        You have to fight to get the help you need, dear heart! It's important to not let others define who you are. Also don't ever let your relationship status, or lack thereof define you. I felt that I needed to not be alone to feel like I was worth something, and honey child, that right there was a big old pile of bullshit! Always remember that you are worthy, you deserve to exist, be and define your own self, because you are a child of God, and the Universe!

        I also want to say that we are both blessed to be living in the information age. Today we have so much information at our fingertips that it's insane. Just try to do the next right thing, sugar. I know you can do it because you already had the balls to come here, and tell us what you're going through!
        ♡♡♡

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        • imtootiredforthisshit
          5 years ago

          You don't understand how much this means to me... I honestly don't know what to say except for thank you so much for taking so much time to write this to me and putting so much heart in it, it means so so so much to me, I'm smiling like an idiot right now, thank you, from the bottom of my heart:)

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          • RoseIsabella
            5 years ago

            You're are so welcome! I've got you in my prayers. :-)

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