I feel a strong dislike/hate towards my mother

Ever since I was a child I've had bad memories about my mother. She used to hit me, like, a lot because she was very strict, even though I was a child who didn't do mischievs, and was tranquil and well-behaved. She even forced sometimes my father to hit me as well. When I was six, my mother told me that I had ruined her body and that it was all my fault. She said sometimes she didn't want to have any children. She never has hugged me or shown any sign of affection since I was a baby. At a young age I was terrified of her. She was overly strict, never allowed me any sweets or fizzy drinks. When I started growing up, she became worse. She told me I looked ugly, that I didn't know how to dress properly, that I looked like a clown or a raccoon with make up on, and didn't let me out if I was wearing clothes I wanted to wear, or make up. She controls everything, and always annoys me with every detail. Everytime I cried about a boy, or something similar she would say I was dumb, and that it was all my fault. She's always making me feel guilty about everything, and brain washes my father into thinking I'm the worst human being when she is...
Shes's told me she will ruin my life, she will hit me again, and so on. Obviously, as I grew older I tried to defend myself, but it only made things worse because my father teamed up with her, and they both made my life a little miserable. I suffered from bullying in school and they didn't do anything about it. I've felt so lonely all my life as an only child, and my hypocrite mother has made me carry so much hate towards her. She always tries to humilliate me and make me look wrong or like a bad person in public, she makes me look terrible, and everyone thinks she's a saint. She wants so much attention that one day she told me I fancied my dad and that I didn't get along with her because I wanted his attention. (SHE TOLD THIS TO EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY...) I know it sounds mean but I wish I could live without her in my life, I would rest if she would go away. I tried leaving but had to come back because of her and money issues. I feel I would rest if she disappeared, because she made my father change so much, he used to be someone nicer. I really don't know what to do, all I do is get into trouble because of her, and the hate that I feel towards her is sometimes too much to take in. I get sometimes really afraid she's going to poison me or do something because of how evil and vengative she is..