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I already made a plan in my head i just dont know when. One reason that prevents me to do it is my mom. I dont want her to be sad but i just cant cope up anymore.
Please, please please please get help. You don't know how many people you'll be hurting.
In highschool I was going through a lot of bullshit, mainly bullying and grasping at my own sexuality. Coming from a catholic background I hated myself. My best friends were my worst bullies, telling me to kill myself if I was actually depressed, and I almost did. The thing is I stopped myself for the same reason as you, because of my family and I didn't want to bring people down because of my shitty life.
The next year my life flipped. I decided to go to a school counselor, I was focusing on study's and my passion for film and I got in a relationship. I made new friends that I cherish deeply to this day and had unforgettable experiences. I think about how if I did die then i would've missed out on all of this. I had no idea I could just feel normal, and not be depressed all the time thinking about death. Don't rob yourself of the chance to feel happiness. As long as your alive, you always have a chance to feel genuine happiness. Hope this helped.
First of all, stop !
Second of all, don't do it !
However, if you still insist upon ending your life, do it whenever you feel ready for it, don't think too much about other people, I mean after all it's your life and if you feel like you can't get no joy out of it no more too bad for them, be nice and smooth: Do it in a way that doesn't have to cause you too much pain and doesn't leave too much of a mess behind, I mean after all they will still have to get you into a coffin and look at you before they bury you if you know what I mean ! (unless you want a pirate grave of course...)
we're supposed to be stopping OP from doing it.... babe, don't encourage suicidal ideations.
Absolutely. I never meant to encourage acting upon it. Just wanted to engage them in discussion. I don't think just dropping by to tell them 'Don't do it. That's wrong.' would do it for an actually suicidal person.. Such person would only listen to someone who's shown to understand them
I know it is hard, but please keep trying. I don't know your situation, but in many cases, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Things really can and do get better if you give them the chance and try to change and better the things you're in control of.
I wish I could be more helpful. I'm not going to lie, I used to feel the same way in high school and in my late teens/early 20's, and used to set dates and everything for when I was going to do it, play it out in my head, and think of which method I was going to use. How I was going to affect my parents was what was stopping me as well. Now I'm so glad I didn't go through with it and life has never been better for me.
I wish you the best.
I really wish I knew what to say
I tried drinking bleach the second or third time my step dad evicted me, but I couldn't get more than one gulp, it tasted nasty
I tried soaking both ends of a cigarette in bleach but it wouldn't light
I still want to kill myself, I feel like there's not much to live for, or at least I used to
I'm starting to see how I can create experiences that I think are worth living for, like moving into my own apartment and getting a cat to cherish and pursuing a degree in psychology and working with like law enforcement somehow or something like that
I used to tell myself I could kill myself whenever I want, today, next month, in a few years, but I could never come back so that made me sit with it for a while
I'm hopeful that next year I'll feel even better. Most of the reasons I want to kill myself are gone, I'm smarter and more adaptable so there's less to mess with me
It’s probably normal to consider it at some point just not to actually do it.