I dont want to become an alcoholic but it's the only thing that works

I've been that way most of my life, I hate any social interactions except one on one's for the most part, I was on meds but they didn't really help all they did was make things worse plus I gained weight. Finally got off of them and don't want to go back on them. I have panic attacks but only a few per year. I can't drink anymore cause I had surgery and it messed my metabolism up and alcohol affects me different I don't like it now but still drink from time to time, not every day. Before I was drinking almost daily, BAD for you liver and guts, brain. It will kill you eventually, so better to not drink so much. The best thing I ever did was start exercising every day and I started juicing, I lost a few pounds and it helped my brain. I feel better about myself, but I still hate holidays and any social gatherings where I have to be "on". I found a job that I don't have to interact with too many people, and I have just a few friends. It's just the way I am, I was born this way, plus my mother is a piee of work and ruined my self esteem from an early age, although I love her, she wrecked me, lots of therapy and alcohol from teens to 30s. I had to stop drinking or I was afraid I was going to die. The best thing is to not become an alcoholic then you won't have the drama of having to quit or go to treatment. Sorry so long. Just passionate. Hope this helps a little anyway. You're not alone.

It works for me too. Nothing else gets me to sleep (as well as insomnia, I have anxiety about falling asleep too, which is pretty horrible).

Yes definitely normal to feel that way. I'm exactly the same. If I could have the effect of 1-2 drinks constantly I'd be amazing at everything. But I think medicating with alcohol can be a bit tricky. It sounds like you find it easy to stay in control of the amount you drink so it probably wouldnt end up being a huge problem but still...Id be wary, just do it socially the same way everyone else does and enjoy it when you can. Coming from someone who has always drunk too much.

How does sucking cocks work for you? i find that it is a great de-stressor for the cocksucker and the guy getting blown. Suck a few nice cocks and let me know. i let guys and girls suck mine.

I use to be the same way! Sometimes i still drink to have normal lasting conversations with someone i broke out of my shell and now im able to talk without getting nervous well sometimes im afraid of embarassing myself but it makes you look awkard if you just sit there and stay quite you have to push yourself to come out of that shell find your root from where this is coming from and pluck it youll start to open up little by little and eventually you wont have to drink to socialize hope this helps.

If it's the only thing that works, you probably are an alcoholic. Get help or keep drinking. Fair warning, it's been known to stop working. If it does, that's the worst feeling in the world, and you'll have no choice but to get help.

you're on your way to addiction, and it's a horrible place to be in. I suggest you to man-up and face life as it is.