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while I think as a concept its a nice thing but if somebody has really fucked you over you shouldn't just forgive them I just think its pathetic.
You don't forgive for them, you do it for you. They don't ever need to know. When you forgive you let it go. They only really keep winning as long as you're walking around being bitter about it. Bitterness tears on you and that's what they want.
Yes, I think it's normal I've been at both ends of the spectrum. For years I believed we should strive for forgiveness. I read the books and I listened to the mentors and preachers and people who tell you they have the answers. I did this for 3 decades until I finally realised it is unfair to judge myself if I cannot reach the forgiveness I'm told I SHOULD have. I now understand it's unreasonable to forgive on someone else's timeline. It is unkind to MYSELF to force myself to forgive before I'm ready for it to naturally unfold by itself. Telling people they must forgive is not responsible, nor kind, nor spiritual, nor obedient to God. Because what we are doing by telling someone they must forgive, is creating an environment of shame for the person; adding pain to the pain for them. That is not helpful and can actually halt the ability for a person to truly forgive and be free. Forgiveness, for me, has been a natural unfolding as I have come to terms with things that have hurt me, in my own time, in my own way and ALWAYS with validation that what I feel, and how long I feel it, is OKAY. I have not sat in bitterness, but in a desire to resolve things at a deep and complete level. To force myself to forgive because someone else said I should, is not going to work. It just creates inner turmoil. Forgiveness has only ever come to me once I've been able to work through the entire thing and every emotion that comes with it, to a natural point of acceptance (not forced), then compassion, then true forgiveness as we realise peace within around the entire thing. I have prayed and asked for the ability to forgive, and everything has unfolded from there, without me forcing it. I say, TRUST YOURSELF and intend to free yourself, always. Listen to yourself, not everyone else. What you feel and how long you feel it, is OKAY.
Being angry takes a lot of energy. Though, I can't forgive someone who's not sorry. So, it's sort of a paradox to me.
I've always been confused about the concept of forgiveness, probably resulting from my fundamentalist christian upbringing and because after I was raped years ago I kept reading and being told I "had to forgive" the rapist in order to heal. Fortunately not everyone believes this, but it's a very common thing.
I just looked up the actual definition and it's about no longer feeling angry and resentful or wanting to punish someone who has wronged you and I can sort of live with that up to a point, except I'm still angry with the rapist and would like to see him punished.
If forgiveness means forgetting someone treated you badly and hanging around for more bad treatment, forget it, and the christian concept of being able to sin and then be forgiven by god is a total cop out and lazy wishful thinking.
It's a lot easier to forgive someone who genuinely apologises and commits to not repeating the behaviour being apologised for: in my opinion it's not a real apology without that last bit anyway.
Letting go of resentment is easier with time, I get angry with people who expect someone who's been badly treated to "just forgive and move on."
Not to make this super religious but have you ever noticed in most christian churchs they preach that God is all forgiving and he just wants you happy and etc. But then when you read the bible it doesn't show God in the way that they portray. He wants his followers to fear him and suffer to prove themselves worthy of him (to see if Abraham would sacrifice his child, not letting moses into the promised land). I always thought the church is full of wishful thinking to think God is all understanding. He made a burning pit for people that he doesn't like. I believe in a higher power but I dont believe that higher power is against seeing me suffer. According to the bible God has very 'strict' standards.
Apologies for the stupid layout which I can't fix: I'm still finding glitches from Microsoft's recent "upgrade" to Windows 10. "Upgrade"? It was DOWNGRADE/SABOTAGE! Took me over an hour on the phone to get my documents back: I'm a writer in the process of editing stuff for publication and the documents screen said "This folder is empty." If Bill Gates didn't hear me screaming he must be deaf. Don't they test drive these so-called updates before they invade people's computers and fuck up their lives? Grrrrrrrrrrrr ......
must be deaf!
You can forgive someone who is a stupid shithead in your heart for the sake of your own peace of mind without telling the person, and forgiveness doesn't have to mean reconciliation.
I agree. I only trust you once,
Soon as you fuck that up you don't get another chance.
But probably why I don't talk to anyone anymore.
Cause I know I can't trust them.
I don't forgive folks I just let it go. I can't be bothered to waste that time and energy on holding a grudge. I'm a very lazy person and it's way too exhausting.
Daniel 9:9: "The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him;"