I don't like my husband around my friends.

31% Normal

I don't like my husband being around my friends from childhood or basically anyone that's not a mutual friend. Especially the childhood friends.

My childhood friends are very leery of outsiders, and the further away that you're from, the worse it is.

It's really bad because he's not the type to stand back and observe how the group works before trying to throw himself right in, so he embarrasses me a lot because he says things he shouldn't say and tries to be too prominent in a very exclusive and selective group. He doesn't talk or think like my friends either, so when he says things he always sounds so foreign but not in an interesting way, in a lame and 'faggy' way. We have a really distinct way of life here and he doesn't know anything about it because he's not from here, but he tries to act like he's in but he's so out of touch with how we live that it's really embarrassing. He says such dumb things and dumb choices of words, if he'd just SHUT UP for a while and watch how people speak and how the group works he might be OK but he refuses to even take cues from me!! I guess it must be a male thing because most of my friends are guys so I guess he has to do the male thing but he's going to keep getting rejected!! I hate this.

I'd keep them totally separated if I could but I can't always. We moved here 2 yrs ago and he still hasn't picked up on things because he's so fucking arrogant or whatever it is that's blocking him from trying to fit in better. He hasn't even picked up on the way people talk or on the general feeling of how it is here.

Is this normal??

Voting Results

31% Normal

Based on 58 votes (18 yes)

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Comments ( 37 )

Justsomejerk

11 years ago | pl

You sound like a bit of a bitch. Let him be himself.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  Have been, hasn't worked out for him. I haven't said a word to him about this, I've sat back and let him do what he wanted. 2 yrs later and he's still ruffling feathers like he is...not my fault...
  
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MoeLester

11 years ago

I agree with justsomejerk, you jerk.
If you believe your husband is "'faggy,'" then maybe he should go find a new wife who loves him for him. He shouldn't have to be someone else for you or your "friends."
If they were truly your friends, they wouldn't be so judgmental and snooty towards the one you took vows with.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  He's free to do so.
  
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penpal21

11 years ago

You sound like superficial garbage. (As do your friends.) If this is so important in your small mind then divorce your husband so he can do better and hook up with someone more in tune with your shallow, ignorant, petty bitchiness.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  It's not superficial, it's his manner of trying to be #1 in a long established group, he's saying offensive things and not realizing it, he's offending people right and left with his speech and behavior. He doesn't know these people and is taking great risks with what he says and how he acts, he's offending people constantly.
  
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thinkingaboutit

11 years ago

Get divorced then you dumb cunt. I feel bad for this guy!

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  He's free to go...
  
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bumblecreek

11 years ago

grow up. you sound like you have the attitude of a kindergartener.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  How?
  
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[Old Memory]

11 years ago

Your attitude towards him is not normal. He's your husband! You should be supporting him in his social awkwardness, not cutting him down for it. He IS your best friend, so why are you expecting him to adapt to all of your other friends. If you think that your friends are so superior, then why didn't you marry one of them instead.

You accused your husband of being arrogant, but this post make you seem like the arrogant one in your relationship.

Marriage is about support, not alienation.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  Please reference all the other replies...firstly, I haven't said SHIT to him abut this...apparently a lot of people replied to this thinking I had an ongoing argument with him, or had even just mentioned this to him, which I HAVE NOT!! I've sat back for 2 yrs and have not said SHIT to him.
  
  His social problem is that he's always bragging and possibly a true narcissist, I don't know, I only just truly trusted him recently. There's nothing wrong with him as a guy, if he just acted like another GUY and not have this drive to be the BEST guy all the time...he's always offending people with what he says and how he acts and basically writing checks his ass can't cash.
  
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  - Boo!
    
    11 years ago
    
    Its not the part where you haven't said shit that makes a differences here its the way you think about your husband and treat him like shit in your mind.
    
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RiseAgainst23

11 years ago

^ Agreed. You sound like you're making it even more difficult for him to adjust by your constant criticism. Also Sounds like you're embarrassed that these two lives of yours have been meshed and that's not fair to either group, but especially not to your husband. You should go thank him for not leaving you.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  How have I made it harder when I haven't said SHIT to him about this?? Where in my post did I say I bitched to him about this?? Oh, nowhere, that's where. Hmm. I've sat back for 2 yrs and haven't said shit. This is NOT my doing.
  
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AssBurgers

11 years ago

You're a bitch.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  How??
  
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  - Boo!
    
    11 years ago
    
    People think your bitchy because the way you talk about your husband.
    
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Gideonbeliever

11 years ago

Women?! They whinge when you don't make an effort and they whinge when you do. Stop being a moany bitch..!

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  I haven't said a word to him about this. If you didn't notice, I never said I was bitching at him, this is just an observation.
  
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  - Gideonbeliever
    
    11 years ago
    
    Well i guess. But at least he's making an effort. Maybe as he gets to know your friends better he'lll be able to judge their response to him and hone his conversation style to fit in with you all.
    
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cheesedoodleguy

9 years ago

your friends are not being fair and neither are you.Your friends sound like they don't want you to be happy because they aren't happy. Know girls like that and guys too. Do you want him to leave and find someone who is ok with him not fitting in with cliché friends? Because that's what's gonna happen. Been there done that got outta there. no regrets.

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taylor-mae14

11 years ago

i dont think you are a bitch i think he is a little oveer the top. and your friends are a little secluded. when your married shouldnt you be able to be friends with echothers friends? how long have you been married? id be questioning my relashionship. you dont wanna be getting a divorce in 10 years and wonder why you waiste so much time being un happy. you only have one life. dont wast it being un happy.

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Smash-Tastic

11 years ago

I hate people like you and your friends you think your all special cus your all "different" and talk in your own group well grow up! I feel sorry for your husband he could probably get someone better.

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ccjigsaw

11 years ago

IT sounds to me like he's jus tbeign himself. It's normal for you to be embarassed, but you should really just accept it, that's just who he is

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callb4ucome

11 years ago

Why the hell r u married to him then...
U can not change a fully grown man

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blaster

11 years ago

Is he always like that everywhere /one else or ?
I'm thinking your not so arrogant or bitchy but it's more just frustration in trying to explain these things to strangers amongst and knockers . I think I can see where your coming from and guys , maybe he is the look at me type , plenty of them around.
I reckon you should talk about it , see what he knows and how he's thinking about it all, or if he's even interested in them. If he is maybe try to explain that he needs to tone it down a bit.

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[Old Memory]

11 years ago

If you were irritated because he was intrueding in another part of your life outside your relationship, I would agree that you have a right to be upset. But, you are more so attacking his character, which is something I find disturbing.

He most likely thinks the same of you with is friends, since you two are so differentand have different types of personalities, and people to fit those personalities in social enviroments, you're probably just as much a fool as he is when it comes to the others friends.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  PS: haven't you commented before about earning respect?
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  In a way he is intruding, it's friends I've had since I was a kid so anyone brought into the group is subject to scrutiny and the same shit that everyone else got when 'signing up'.
  
  There's nothing wrong with HIM, he just has this need to act so differently and superior in social situations. Like I said above, he never bothered to sit back and see how we all work together, he just continuously tries to force himself in in what amounts to unappealing ways to everyone. In other words he's trying too hard and talking too much and acting too much like he knows what we're all about, but obviously we know he doesn't and hasn't been around long so he needs to know his role. I even know who is usually the most prominent one in the group, and when some new guy wants to come in and take his position, along with disrupt everyone else's position, then people are going to have a problem with that and unless he can back up what he THINKS his position should be, then he's going to get a good deal of resistance that he can't fight. Know what I mean?
  
  Also these guys watched out for me since I was a kid, they're naturally protective of me. It's not that they don't like HIM, it's that he can't operate in a group social situation, he always has to try to be the loudest and biggest, and clearly here he is not that. I don't deny he gets extra flak for that but rightfully so, I don't know how anyone would expect to just kick in the doors of a place and demand to be boss without putting in the resumee and time.
  
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Anonymous Post Author

11 years ago

You guys are missing one big detail:

I never said any of this to him, it's only my observation!! I never once told him how to act or criticised how he acts (to him) or anything. I never once complained about this to him. I never told him he embarrassed me. I've sat back and let him act however he wanted to act, and it's not working out for him. He's not trying to take cues and find his place, he's trying to force himself in, and how he's doing this is embarrassing me and turning my friends off. It's been 2 yrs and he's still trying to be whatever he's trying to be, and also how he acts around my friends is NOT how he is normally for the most part. It's how he can be a lot of the time socially, but he's not getting it that this game he's trying to play isn't going over with my friends. It works with some people, but not these people. It doesn't work with a group that's really tight, his social ways are better with one person or maybe a couple people, he's no good at the group thing. It's not that they're being mean, it's just that he's butting heads too much and being weird.

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- dom180
  
  11 years ago
  
  Maybe you should tell him how to act around your friends. He isn't going to know unless you tell him.
  
  Better idea: ask your friends if they honestly have a problem with the way he acts around them. If they think he fits right in, then it's clear that you are the one with the problem.
  
  If they also get vibes that he's acting weirdly and that he doesn't fit in, only then should you tell him that he's acting oddly. Have a in discussion in which you are honest that you want him to behave in a certain way around your friends. In this discussion, come to a compromise in which you, your husband and your friends are all happy. Don't leave anyone sad or being forced to act unnaturally.
  
  That's all my advice :)
  
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  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    11 years ago
    
    I've asked my friends, and they have a problem with his ego basically. They have been interested in him but he turns them off by talking too much about himself. They want to know HIM, not hear all his stupid story-toppers. Maybe he's a total narcissist? He's always bragged incessantly upon meeting people, and that sort of thing...
    
    When me and my friends were together it was mostly about joking around and making fun of each other...he being himself, he isn't so comfortable with that. He's more apt to brag about himself than make fun of himself which is a downfall but how do you tell a person like him to make fun of himself?? It doesn't happen.
    
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nightmare28

11 years ago

If you married him, you should stand by him thick and thin, if your friends disrespect him, they disrespect you. You're suppose to be the person he spends the rest of his life with, the one, and if you treat him like that, you're not a good choice. It sounds like you married way too soon, you're not in high school anymore, don't try to be "cool" and popular. He is who he is, if you don't like him the way he is, why did you marry him? Do you realize how much you put him down when you say he is not good enough to be around your male friends? He is suppose to be the #1 male in your life. Keep at what you're doing, separate him from your friends, be with them while he is away, but where do you think he will be at that time? It takes only one woman to show him that not every woman is like you, and some might actually treat him nice and be proud to be with him.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  11 years ago
  
  There's nothing wrong with HIM, it's his social skills. It's his social skills that are embarrassing me, and also holding him back.
  
  Like I said in another post here, he's trying to kick the doors in and take over, and people don't take kindly to that. He also has a funny manner of relating to people, he tries to be superior all the time, he's a chronic 'story topper'. People don't tend to like that....
  
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  - nightmare28
    
    11 years ago
    
    Everyone's opinion here is pretty much unanimous, yet you respond to everyone trying to prove that you're right. Your husband's social skills are part of who he is, if you married that, you should accept that. In no place here you say its important for you to be with your husband, only how he makes you look in front of others. He is not an accessory like a necklace or a ring. I'm saying again, you got married way too early, before you understood what marriage is.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      11 years ago
      
      OK, so I guess I need to give him the divorce he hasn't asked for and leave him then, because somehow I'm the first person on earth, and also a horrible person, for being embarrassed or annoyed by a loved ones behavior on occasion. I guess I better give my kids up for adoption too since they embarrassed me at Burger King the other day with their behavior.
      
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Are You Normal?

I don't like my husband around my friends.