I don't know what he wants

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5 Comments

hey, Im an 18 year old guy and i have a best friend whom i'm in love with. I know him now for about 4 years, but i fell in love with him about a year ago.
I really don't know or remember how it all started, but we seemed to be closer than we both have ever been with any other guy-friend that we had before. It somehow started slow, but after some time, i found myself cuddling with him in his bed till we both fell asleep. A few days, maybe even weeks passed, when we repeated this. One night then, we finally kissed each other. It was the best feeling i ever had, and thats when i (subconsciously though, since i didnt admit it to myself up until now) fell in love woth him.
We continued kissing (and im talking about real kisses, with tongue and all) each other for quite some time, when he rather abruptly stopped wanting to do that. So, we didnt kiss, or cuddle for about half a year when i finally plucked up the courage to ask him why. He now claimes to be straight, however, he can't explain why he wanted to kiss me back then. So, now we do still (at least) cuddle, but only with his back turned towards me. We always get kinda close, but never really too close anymore. Im really hurt and torn up inside, but im afraid, that if i tell him how i feel, he might stop having any "intimate" contact with me.I think he might love me too, but i believe, he doesnt WANT to feel this way. On the one hand he always has a new crush (but never a girlfriend) and i feel like the distance between us is growing but on the other hand, he is talking about moving in with me when were at college and starting a life together.
So, he keeps sending me very ambiguous signals and i dont know what to believe anymore! How can i make him try to deal with the part of him, that might really like me? Do you even think this side of him exists?
Thanks in advance and sorry for my poor english, but its really hard for me to put my feelings into words.

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65% Normal
Based on 17 votes (11 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • help_is_here
    13 years ago

    I thinks his feelings are still there, just suppressed. Maybe someone has caused him to question his sexuality, or he himself is questioning it. I wouldn't bluntly ask him something like this but instead let him know that he has someone he could tell anything to. I hope it all works out for you and good luck

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  • Jiovanie
    12 years ago

    He may just be in denial, he is gay and he does love you that eat he is just lying to himself, that will not end well. Although it may hurt you, if you want a real reaction from him, give him the cold shoulder, or simply let your depression show, and if you lock eyes with him, let him feel your pain, or just be distant and if he asks why, tell him you feel he hates you or is disgusted, if he really loves which I feel he does, hell do anything he can to make you know he still loves you.

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  • AshTheBrat
    12 years ago

    i believe that your best friend is confused about what he wants. in denial, if you like. he may well have feelings for you, but he could be ashamed of this... he doesn't want to be seen as a gay person. maybe he's worried what people would think if he were to admit he's gay? how would his family react? has he brought up to think that being gay is wrong?
    or maybe he was just confused back then, or he still could be.
    i think you should open up to him about your feelings just don't put him off. best of luck!

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  • help_is_here
    13 years ago

    I'm sorry it didn't work out for you man. From what you said, he seems like a good friend. I know it can hurt when someone pushes you away but you got to keep your chin up. There's someone out there to share your love with, its just not with the guy you thought it would be with. Stay strong!

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  • Amroth
    13 years ago

    thank you so much, but I already told him. He said he doesnt and couldnt feel this way ever. He said he loves me, but differently... This is now a while ago but just yesterday he was kissing another girl in front of me at our prom... It was just utterly horrible and I had to leave the prom instantly. I just hid somewhere and cried for a long time; I was so scared that, if I went home right then, Id do something to hurt me. But luckily I didnt do anything serious. I just didnt know what to do, and I still dont; I love him so much, it hurts!

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