I don't know how to respond to pity, sympathy, etc. iin?

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16 Comments

So basically I have the sort of past that any time I talk to someone about it, I almost always get these comments like:

"I am *so* sorry you went through that"
"You're a really strong person for coming through that"
"I can't imagine what that would be like, I'm sorry"

and so on. Worst part is if they cry. The thing is, this makes me feel *super* awkward and uncomfortable, I'm not saying it to get sympathy! I'm always told it's good to talk about things like that, and I guess it's better than keeping it all inside...

But like, I don't really care that much about telling people? It's not a secret. I don't mind sharing, and I guess its good that people care and want to know, but I usually don't like to talk about my past because of those reactions up there. What do you say after that? It makes me feel just SOOOOO uncomfortable to get pity.

Is that normal? Do other people feel this way? What do you guys do / suggest for those situations? I honestly keep it inside because I'm afraid of the awkwardness.

Voting Results
88% Normal
Based on 57 votes (50 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • EccentricWeird
    10 years ago

    Miss Thorny, though I do like you, you're clearly a wacky sci fi robot with no emotions, beep boop.

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    • LilyAmongTheThorns
      10 years ago

      Well it would be easier to talk about if the stupid chat had a PM

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      • EccentricWeird
        10 years ago

        You need IIN Gold. I'd buy it for you if you'd let me tongue vacuum you.

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        • LilyAmongTheThorns
          10 years ago

          You do realize I'm being completely serious when I say someone like you would make me feel physically ill in person, right?

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          • EccentricWeird
            10 years ago

            I guess I'll just use the hose then.

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  • serpenteye
    11 years ago

    It's not that you don't respond to it, it is that you don't know how to respond to it. When someone is crying about something you went through, you should probably try to cheer them up, and saying you are fine, or you will be fine.

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  • bemah
    11 years ago

    Yes, i know exactly how you feel! That's why i don't tell people! Sometimes i just get angry if people pity me, because it's so stupid, half the time they don't mean it anyway, they just pretend to care to avoid awkwardness because they think they're so much better off! That's not necessarily true either, sometimes shit just makes you appreciate what you've got, and it makes you stronger.
    Hey i don't know, whatever was in your past may have turned out different for you.

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  • dirtybirdy
    11 years ago

    Exactly why I keep my business my business. I hate pity to begin with. Keep it! I don't need it! It always seems so contrived anyway. Bah!!

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  • cantheist
    11 years ago

    Wow, ungrateful much?

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    • valisque
      11 years ago

      Its not being ungrateful... It really just is awkward..

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      • cantheist
        11 years ago

        Learn proper grammar and spelling.

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        • valisque
          11 years ago

          Point out where i went wrong then match it up with European English genius.

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    • LilyAmongTheThorns
      11 years ago

      Oh, I mean it's not that I don't appreciate that people care of course! I know that's just how a lot of people show it, but it still feels a little tense and awkward, I think because the subject just isn't the kind of thing people have a lot of experience talking about.

      Mostly my discomfort comes from putting the other person in a situation where they don't really know what to say and are likely afraid of doing something wrong. I hate imposing discomfort on people, and don't want to seem like I need them to respond in a certain way.

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  • jucedaguy
    11 years ago

    My empathy can be my strongest suit. But my weakest hand!

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  • shade_ilmaendu
    11 years ago

    I don't see why this makes so many people uncomfortable. It always make me feel good, knowing that other people out there actually care about one another.

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  • thanksforthefreecar
    11 years ago

    Just say "thank you"

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