I don't know how i feel about my father

I'm 17 years old. I live with my brother (21) and my mother. My brother has a different father to me. He talks to his father's family and gets on well with them all (not his father as much). My father left me when I was five. It was a tough time as It is for any child. He was cheating on my mother. I stopped seeing him when I was 7, after he shouted at me and insisted I do what he said. His brother (my uncle) died in a car crash not long after, It was a hard time for me as I didn't attend neither the wake or funeral. He then went and got married and they have since had a child (last year). Last year, his father (my grandfather) died in a car crash after being diagnosed with Cancer. I felt that I would regret it if I didn't attend the funeral. I hadn't chatted to any of his family since I was 7. But I now chat to two cousins. He has text me twice since, in both cases I feel he is using the child to try make me feel guilty. In one text he said: "It's a pity you are not interested in knowing him, take care". I don't know what to do. I kind of miss that side of the family but It is very hard for me. I don't know what to do. I don't think I can forgive him after everything that has happened. It is very hard also as I know my mother wouldn't want me too, after the way he treated her. I have attended many different counsellors but I feel that none have helped that much.