I don't feel bad for the people i "killed".

I recently got out on parole after doing 8 years for drug dealing. I did not get caught for 10 years. Let's start from the beginning.

I started as an 18 year old college student, fresh out of the foster care system, on the brink of homelessness. I was robbed at gunpoint one night and had everything taken from me. Without rent money, I was facing eviction. The next day, at work, a customer, who just happened to be an acquaintance from my last foster home, casually mentioned the possibility of my joining him in his venture. I accepted without hesitation.

At the height of my "career", I owned a quaint house in the ghetto while making a modest salary as a counselor at a homeless shelter. Although it seems like I would be more suspicious, it was the perfect cover. I made anywhere from $5000-$10000 a month having select clients do my dirty work in exchange for product and I had the trust and respect of several key members of the community. I assure you, if it sounds like fiction to you, I barely believe it myself.

Although I periodically had a client or two die while on the drugs, what ended me was the sudden string of death of 4 of my clients.

A couple of clients of mine were trying to use my supplier's product to start their own, independent venture. They were bait and switching with their own product and pocketing good money. My supplier caught on and sold the clueless morons a bad batch, unaware of just HOW bad it was and without informing me. As a result, 4 known druggies with heavy criminal records died within a week. Eventually, the police caught onto my trail.

Although I am no better than them, I despised all of my clients and see their deaths as a natural part of their lifestyles. The majority of them were horrible individuals. I have seen evils that I will never be able to reconcile.

So what do you think? Has it turned me into a psychopath? Should I feel guilt?

You should feel guilt. 34
You should not feel guilt. 44
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Comments ( 22 )
  • Either way it's done with and all you can do is learn from it and move on. Stay out of the drug/crime scene this time.

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    • DoctorAngelDust

      Different town, different job... I'm never going back!

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      • Tommythecat.

        I think it turned you into a pussy.

        *clenches fist

        Fuck yeah, cat pun.

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      • anti-hero

        Your username leads me to believe that you are completely reform.

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        • DoctorAngelDust

          Haha, it was all I could think of at the time. I always saw it as a funny moniker. Some of my now clean former clients still call me that.

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          • anti-hero

            So classy how you call junkies, clients. you are a natural marketer.

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            • DoctorAngelDust

              No, I just wasn't going to differentiate junkies and clients. The money and product was the same no matter what hands bought and received it.

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  • Holzman_67

    do hugs not drugs

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  • Avant-Garde

    You did what you had to to survive. While i dont personally condone what you did, I wont judge you as it isn't my place to do so. You are moving on with a new chapter in your life. I wish you luck with this.

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  • If it were up to me, you wouldn't have served so much as a day behind bars.

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    • DoctorAngelDust

      I guess I left out the twisted part...
      There were actually a few clients who I believed could do better with their lives so I worked, with much success, to get them off of the drugs they were purchasing from me. I still keep in touch with many of them today. It was because of one of them that I was able to get a good defense attorney and significantly lower my sentence.

      The rest, I could care little about. They were going to buy it from me, or they were going to buy it from someone else. I'm not a spiritual man but I see it as fate.

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    • Avant-Garde

      Are you a Libertarian?

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      • For the most part, yes.

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  • dickwashington

    they were gonna do the drugs no matter what. they were gonna meet a similar fate no matter (possibly change). you did what you had to in order to survive and they did what they had to in order to get through the day. no matter what side of drugs your on user or dealer its a nasty business

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  • Loopyloo

    love how dealers see users as scum. well what does one call the organism that lives off of scum, huh??

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  • tripperdipper

    You did not force anyone to do the drugs. Your supplier is a piece of shit for intentionally spreading bad drugs. I think that's pretty fucked up. I suppose you are partially responsible. I only sold drugs for a little bit (MDMA, weed, lsd , DMT) but I always used a drug testing kit to make sure they were what they were or I made sure my customers new I had not tested it and they use at their own risk. It also sounds like the type of people you were selling too would have been too reckless to care anyhow.as harsh as it is to say maybe the world is better with a few less people.

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  • green_boogers

    Sounds like you still have a hardened attitude. If you attack the straight life visualizing success, you'll successfully stay away. But that hardened attitude dies hard, especially in the face of adversity.

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  • LizardSkin

    Some of my best friends were drug dealers growing up, most of them were good people. I am not going to judge you for how you chose to make a living. I'm sure you knew the risks.

    As for buyers dying, well, according to you, you didn't sell them the "bad batch" so I wouldn't expect you to feel guilty about it.

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  • handsignals

    Relevant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eS7Ctv_F4Q

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    • DoctorAngelDust

      Haha glorious.

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  • young nigga move that dope

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