I don't even know why i'm crying anymore..

I can get pretty emotional when I'm alone, and I usually end up crying when I should be doing work.

Sometimes I don't even know why anymore, I just feel miserable and want to cry.

I have work I should be doing, but I just keep on wasting time instead of doing it. I don't even have much fun doing anything anymore so it is just a waste of time to distract myself. Even when I am "focused" it is a struggle to stay that way because I'd rather be doing anything else.
I've tried looking for help online but their advice is so f-in stupid and it makes me angry. It is literally stuff like "get started" (no sh-t, Sherlock) and "do little bits at a time." You don't think I haven't tried that? This morning all I got was a sentence at best, no matter how much I try to force progress it doesn't work!
Time gets away from me and before I know it I only have an hour to finish my work. I hate it so much.
Worst of all, I get so much anxiety thinking about going back to school. My grades are going to be terrible, the teachers are going to hate me for this, my classmates never gave a sh-t about me, etc., etc. It isn't even false, which makes me even more scared to go back. I dread going to school everyday and it's my own fault.

I just want to be left alone, but I feel so lonely at the same time. I've tried explaining my anxiety to people as best as I can manage and yet they still don't get it (my mom is still in denial despite the official diagnosis and me taking medication for half a year.) It makes me so angry not being able to communicate these things, and I feel like a freak. I'm so tired of being me, I wish I could just switch places with a normal person.

I don't even have that many responsibilities yet the slightest increase in work causes me to fall apart. I can barely handle vacations because it throws me off my school schedule. Weekends are horror to me because I know Monday is right around the corner. I just wish I never had to go back.

I feel like such a child when I think this way too. People are always telling me that I need to get used to it because I will be facing "the real world" soon and that no one is going to give me any sypmathy.

I hate everything about myself because of this, and I want to change all of it, but in the end I just end up whining and crying all over again. I've tried to change so many times but I can never stick to anything. I'm so bad at trying to be a good person, I think I might be stuck this way forever (or, at least, for many years to come.)
I'll probably be one of those people that lives off of other people and never does anything for herself until the day I die. Every moment I breath will be pathetic and everyone will wish I never existed.