I despise my alcoholic mom & see her as the cause of my problems, iin?

I've been diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and I've been depressed for years, at times I even harm myself by cutting or hitting my arms/legs until I bruise. I'm unable to relate to other people and feel bad for them, although I don't feel better than them or anything like that. I avoid any given situation where I have to be around a lot of people because I feel too uncomfortable around them, and I don't trust their motives. I hate being praised because I don't believe that what I'm being told is really true, because my mother would often tell me that she loved me and then talk crap about me behind my back to my dad and her friends about my personal problems and things I've accomplished (this sound like some crazy Dr. Phil shit, but she did. Alcohol makes her *very* honest.). All relationships I've ever been in have ended because my partners think I'm "distant", and I probably am because I don't really think I'm cabable of falling in love with another person.
I know I sound like a shallow cunt, but all of this feels like it's connected to my mother - She would get drunk and then stare at me when she thought I didn't know and have this look on her face like I was a complete stranger or something, or like she was thinking about how much she hated me (which is a pretty typical thing for someone with GAD to think, but I was like 7 or 8 when I first noticed this and I didn't have it then), and she would constantly go on about how much she hated this-and-this person, and every time I met that person I would second-guess everything about them. I do that with my family too, who I feel no connection to at all anymore.
I have "friends", but I don't really spend time with them and I never did in school either. Everyone seems so fake to me and I don't think I can trust any of them to be there for me when I really need them to be, so why bother? These "paranoid" feelings have been present for most of my adolescent years and I can't seem to get rid of them, and telling my mom how I feel is just gonna make her drink more. She's not a nice drunk at all, she hits my dad and calls him things and she sometimes does this to me/my siblings/random people she doesn't know as well.

Despise might be a strong word, but it's exactly how I feel about her. There's nothing I can do about it either, because I don't want her to know how much I hate her incase she'll try to hurt me (or herself).
Although the cause of GAD is hard to pinpoint, I'm convinced it has everything to do with her. She did make me and shape me after all.

Am I completely unreasonable and stupid for feeling this way? It doesn't sound normal but it feels just about right to me...