I cry after i masterbate because i miss my ex?

I cry after I masterbate because I miss my ex. Not that I miss his penis Cuz I never had sex with him. But it makes me regret not having sex with him and I was very closed off during our relationship and if I felt if I was more intimate and loving he wouldn't have left me in the first place but I came off as cold mostly because I was scared of the way he was making me feel.

Now that he has a gf in the middle of it I will think of him having sex with his new gf and just a whole bunch of sad stuff like how he loves her and then after I will start crying. I don't even do it anymore because it brings more pain then pleasure and yes I'm a virgin.