I cannot make good female friends

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10 Comments

Although I have a few friends that have remained friends for many years I have had way more friends come in and out of my life. I am capable of having relationships with some people in the past few years I have lost 3 close friends.

I am a musician and somewhat known in the industry that I am in and I am not sure whether or not the people that try to remain my friends are jealous of me or whether I am actually doing something wrong.

I will admit that in the past few years I have been severely depressed and with my good friends that I have had for a long time I have been able to talk with them. However I have tried this with new friends and although they seem to be understanding and supporting while we are friends I wonder if perhaps they felt put upon?

Within the past year I Have had these things happen. I had one friend stop talking to me all of a sudden, it happened to be around a time period when I lost a lot of weight. She claims that she gets really depressed and doesn't contact people when she is depressed, but she would go an entire year without talking to me and only when I talk to her it is because I try to make it happen. I got sick of this treatment and finally cut my ties with her.

My next friend introduced me to other people who I became friends with and she started to get jealous. She decided to be a singer just like me, tried to apply for the job I was going to apply to. She tried to ostracize me from her other friends. I decided to ditch her friendship for my own health.

Finally, soon after that I had a very good friend that I was very close with until I had a show. She came to see me play, got very depressed, canceled plans with me, then signed up for singing lessons and told me she wanted to dye her hair my color. Then after that she pulled away from me completely and now she is not even returning my emails.

Finally there is this girl at work that I really like that really seems to like me too and always asks me to hang out but whenever I try to solidify a time she never says when we can actually hang out with each other.

My question is this:

Have you ever had a problem keeping friends because they seem to be jealous/competitive with you? Is it hard in general to make friends?

Voting Results
73% Normal
Based on 56 votes (41 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • JoeyAnne
    15 years ago

    I've sorta had this problem. But then I realized that I was too focused on "me". That all my friends were out to get me, trying to match up to me, and I wanted them below me. So that I could be better than everyone, please tell me you're not like that.

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  • 840472576
    12 years ago

    You seem nice, I'd be your friend.

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    • Allistalla
      11 years ago

      Id be your freind too.

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  • fuck'em
    13 years ago

    it's easy to make friends, true friends are tough to make. Just be careful who you trust dude. a good friend will come along one day

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  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    Yes - I don't understand how one can be a friend & be competitive. Its pretty much a deal breaker because with friends you share more about yourself & want trust & support & respect. The competitive types exploit that - and that is no friendship. Cut them loose. Go for quality in friendships not quantity. Note: that doesn't mean friends have to be perfect. Also - if what you want is an adoring crowd - look to your musical audience.

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  • Zoe1248
    15 years ago

    Hi there! I seem to have a similar problem. I have a few good female friends, but generally speaking, I have a tough time with girls. I find that they tend to fall into a few categories. There are the girls who are really over-confident to the point of being vain and full of themselves, there are the girls who are really insecure with themselves and need constant approval and/or attention, and then there are those who are pretty level-headed and have a good sense about who they are.

    I belong to the last group of girls, but the problem is that not a lot of girls are in that group. I noticed that they tend to pool into the opposite extremes--the first two groups. And because of this, I have hard time finding friends like me. I am not bitchy enough to be friends with the first group of girls (nor would I want to be) and when I do make friends with the second group of girls, the same thing happens to me that you described happening to you--they get jealous and put me down due to their insecurities or they try to be like me...neither trait of which I care for in a good friend.

    Unfortunately, a lot of girl have self esteem or confidence issues. And the number of girls who don't are in the minority, which leaves us with a hard time finding each other. I think that may be your problem, too...that you have a hard time finding girls who are just cool, down to earth, confident yet humble about it, like you.

    I think you shouldn't let this get you down too much (as frustrating as it may be!). Keep seeking friends who are more like you and don't waste your time with the negative energy some of those other girls bring. If you keep your options open and try to always meet new people, you will find the ones compatible with you over time and, hopefully, nurture them into healthy friendships :) Good luck!

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  • roadrunnerxo
    15 years ago

    I used to feel like I was in that same predicamint. I still feel that way sometimes, but I take it as a compliment. Even though it isnt fun to loose a friend, teaching by example is a very good thing. Showing other people how to be happy, even if it wasnt your intention. These girls may be getting jealous because they want what you have, they see the attention it brings, and maybe they feel like to have this kind of attention and to be happy and recognized, they have to have what you have. Honestly, I don't have any close girl friends for the same reason. I'm a musician too, I dance and I sing. I haven't been able to keep a close girl friend either, after I started being less shy about my gifts, or whatever you may call them. But I'm very close with my male friends, they seem less envious of me and except me, make me feel like I'm not doing anything wrong. If you are talented, you are just talented, that's not wrong. Sorry this was so long.

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  • Jim_Pfoss
    15 years ago

    What an idiot! Those are the best kinds of friends!

    I wish I could find even one person in this whole f'ing world who was jealous of anything about me!

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  • littlekingkero
    15 years ago

    well the only input i can incorporate is that you should treat them like guy friends but without being too lewd unless they're into it.

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  • [Old Memory]
    15 years ago

    Hey i understand you on this one.Sorry to say they are jealous of you,And you cant stay friends with them they will be on your back always trying to get you down.Try to make some new friends.As for the girl i suggest you be straight forward ask her to go get a drink after work dont compliment her and overwhelm her keep it kool and see where the body chem,istry takes you.Too much pressure will send her running away

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