I can't go a day without thinking about her

So, I'm in college and I know we got time to plan out the rest of my life later. But this one girl i think about her when I'm with other people and just like how I'd rather be around her instead. It sucks cause last year my crush before this one overdosed and died. I went through the most embarrassing phase of my life I acted immature and irresponsible for the first and last time. I blamed myself for the last ones mistakes and we'll I sort of destroyed my squeaky clean image in the process. I mean It's not an excuse but I had never felt so alone my dad had died from cancer recently my best friend moved south and then my first love overdosed I took it really hard I blamed myself mostly for falling in love with someone. Someone who In the end didn't care about me i guess if she was doing heroin. But I just felt like I had no control over anything I felt so insecure and no one was there for me. Except her she actually stood by me even when she really could have left me behind. I have hope that once I get myself put together with a car and a job that maybe I could get more from her cause she's beautiful and smart Like I enjoy her more than anyone else I know I'm wondering if that's me magnifying the events of the past. I'm just so unstable. Since the first girl overdosed I honestly thought I was gonna die cause they said it was an anyEyreism and I just went into paranoid mode I can't explain my reaction to her death other than it changed me. Any who I'm wondering if and when I should make a move. On a girl that I guess you could call my sister of sorts.