I can't get over my own insecurities (iin?)

78% Normal
9 Comments

Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now, but we dated once before this and I broke up with him (I was very confused...) When I broke up with him, he slept with another girl. I've only ever had sex with my boyfriend, but he's a few years older than me and he's had sex with a small number of girls, but when we broke up he only had sex with that one other girl... and on a few occasion.

One night, when we were all at a party together a few months ago (my boyfriend and I WERE together at the time), she was in a room with my boyfriend, myself, and one of my boyfriend's guy friends, and I left the room to go greet someone who had showed up, and apparently in the time that I was gone, she drunkenly invited my boyfriend into bed with her, and he denied.

However, because of this, I've been immensely insecure since we've gotten back together. I've never felt his much hatred towards another girl before, she was even in my dream a couple nights. I get anxious on the way home late at night from work that I will drive up to my house and see her car in our driveway (I live with my boyfriend) and it scares me so much. I've even considered keying her car and I'm not a violent person.

Am I being overly insecure or is this normal? Is there anyway to look past it? I'm generally an accepting person, and I hate the fact that I can't get over this one little thing.

Voting Results
78% Normal
Based on 59 votes (46 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • emilydoll
    11 years ago

    Also, off topic, comparing ourselves to another is a violent act upon the self. Keep that in mind :)

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      "comparing ourselves to another is a violent act upon the self"

      Actually it's the sole basis for all social interactions, everyone sizes everyone else up subconsciously. If you didn't you wouldn't be able to converse with any order or clarity. We compare people everytime we speak or see, is this person hot tempered, a liar, outgoing, introverted, charming, offensive, smart, dumb, good looking, bad looking, sane, insane, ect, ect, ect.

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  • Ms.difficult
    11 years ago

    I don't think you should worry about it. He denied her and after a breakup you do things to take your mind off the breakup. Your boyfriend obviously cares about you if he's with you and she seems to be just a fling in his life. She probably likes him and that's why she asked him to have sex with her. Are you bothered by the fact that you want your boyfriend all to yourself and she sort of broke that connection? Your feelings are understandable but I would try and figure out exactly what it is about this that bothers you and why, and then talk about it with your boyfriend. If it helps at all, I just want to tell you that from what you've explained it sounds like there is no reason for you to worry

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  • trashy2121
    11 years ago

    Yes it's normal. Talk about it and you will feel better but dont smother him about it and dont accuse him of cheating unless ur pretty damn sure

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  • emilydoll
    11 years ago

    This is completely NORMAL. And yes, you feel insecure AS IN you're having fear. Well don't. The truth is, be happy with yourself and have faith in your relationship. If you just respect yourself, and live yourself and take care yourself you will be secure. You need to re center yourself to a place of security in your uttermost self, and you become untouchable to things like that, people like that, insecure thoughts like that etc.

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  • MsWVgal
    11 years ago

    Don't worry about the girl. She's not worth your energy, and ignoring any relation with you, she obviously has very little respect for herself or your boyfriend if she made that invitation knowing he's in a relationship. Fretting about her will do nothing but stress you out.

    Those types of girls will come and go. Personally, I take it as a compliment when a girl hits on my guy - one because it confirms I got a cute guy, and two because his response confirms we have a strong relationship. You should feel confident in that your boyfriend refused the invitation. She can attempt all she wants, but the only person you need concern yourself with is him - and he seems pretty faithful.

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  • Darkoil
    11 years ago

    So he put his penis in another girl,i.e his skin touched hers, it's not exactly the end of the world. Fuckin deal with it.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    It's normal to feel this way and its easy to say those feelings are unnecessary but the mind works in moped ways.

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  • emilydoll
    11 years ago

    Love*

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