I can't get myself to leave him

You're just going through withdrawals. End it, cut contact and don't dwell on your loneliness or fear of being alone. Learn to be alone and enjoy your own company.

I agree with roseisabella, I've been in an almost identical relationship before, the only thing that helps make the separation final is to cut contact.

Time will heal it all. You will be fine without him,trust me. Get out of that abusive relationship and stop delaying the inevitable, I did for so long and ended up bitter.

I was recently goung through something similar. I knew I wanted to leave him for months but I could not do it. We would break up and then I would feel sick and severely depressed and I would take him back and it cured those depression vibes but in my heart I knew that being back together was a wrong move. So when I did break up with him for Good it was very hard, I could not eat and I wanted him in my life so bad and we kept texting but in the end it became the most drawn out break up ever but I'm glad we did that because taking the band aid off completely would have made me crave him more and then go back. Let him go gently in your heart and with time you will start to feel like you can live without him. I have stopped texting him back after a month and a half post break up and I'm sad and think of him everyday but I'll be fine.

Off and on relationships aren't worth it. Eventually it will be over and whoever is left holding on is going to be heartbroken.

End it. It will only get worse.

Maybe you're afraid to be alone.

The thing is...we both love being alone. Always have. We just liked eachother more than our own peace....that was a big part of the problem...

Its because you are both lonely , desperate , insecure , no self esteem , afraid of being alone , afraid of living alone , you cant survive or function without a man feeding you money , etc.

Unless you want to live like this for the rest of your life, you need to end this relationship and focus on friendships and caring for yourself until you recover. Don't mistake withdrawal symptoms for a reason to go back to him and you know you deserve better than this relationship