I am so good, i'm bad

Ever since I was a young cracker I've been good with words, I can write a love sonnet in minutes, make you relaxed and mold you into my play thing. But those days are over, I no longer want a play thing. I just want a true friend. But I confuse people a lot like my one friend we've been cool for 8 years or so now. Longest friend I have and that we're still talking. In span of 5 minutes I wrote a her a nice poem, but I am no good at that friend shit so I push the envelop a lot. Like I feel like I play with her too much, I told her it might be best not to be friends as I don't know how to be one. Never had friends growing up then I just used people as "play things" now I am stuck with no one and no inkling of how to regulate in society. I don't see sex as vulgar, or thing "couples" do. Is a social bonding practice, one of which merits respect and the appreciation of ones beauty in their truest form. I lust to see individuals in said state, stripped naked of all their restrictions and bindings instilled onto them by judgement. To maintain their intelligence while releasing their inner child* ... their innocence. Breaking free from the bias lines drawn and step outside the box. That's all I want, I don't want sex for physical pleasure rather for the symbolism and mental gratification of seeing the beauty of nature in its quintessential form. I want silly, I want adventurous, I want them to lose their ambitions for the moment I just want them. When I invest into something I invest into it with everything I have and society says that's wrong monogamy rules, and I sit in the crowd hidden, and repressed. It causes me confusion, is hard to maintain relations this way you start to believe the feelings are more because society says that's how it ought to be. WELL FUCK YOU SOCIETY, if I love I'm going to give you my soul, and I'll strive to have yours in return. Maybe it will take longer to form relationships this way but it is worth the wait.