I am confused about my emotions towards this friend

I am an 18 year old guy and I'm a senior in high school. I've become really close friends with the new guy in my class. We have lunch together everyday, he always picks me to be his partner in PE class, and we both participate in after school sports. He is pretty much my only friend at school and is the reason I look forward to going everyday. I really like this guy a lot. I just don't know if my love towards him is brotherly love or something more like a crush. He's one of the closest guy friends I have. The time he passed out during cross country practice scarred me for life! While my friend was in the hospital, I had to take the next couple days off from school because I had an anxiety attack after watching my best friend have a near death experience. If he had died, I would not be able to live with myself. I would be lost without him! Lately, I've been thinking of him more than usual and he's been in my dreams a lot too. I miss him intensely when we're not in school. I also fear that we won't see each other anymore once we graduate and the fear is getting stronger since the year is half over. I'm not completely sure of my sexual orientation although I think I may be bisexual. As much as I desire a hug from him, he has never hugged me before and when I tried hugging him, he didn't hug me back. He's told me many times that I'm a good friend so the not hugging me thing is not because he hates me but it might be because he's just not a hugger. We never discussed it after my attempt to hug him though. Anyways, I am just confused about all of this. What do all these feelings mean? Am I attracted to my friend or do I just care about him? Since the awkward hugging incident, I don't feel comfortable telling him about these feelings. If this is a crush, how do I get over it without ending the friendship?

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Based on 6 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 1 )
  • Ellenna

    It sounds to me as if you really love him and it doesn't sound like a crush, because to me that's having unrealistic feelings about someone at a distance.

    It's clear he regards you as a good friend, but it may well be that his feelings for you aren't as intense or as strong as yours for him. If he didn't hug you back he's probably not having sexual feelings for you.

    I think on your part it's both love and sexual attraction.

    If it is a crush it will fade but that doesn't mean you won't still love him. I love two good friends I had crushes on in the past when they were unattainable: one of those friendships has lasted for more than thirty years and the other for nearly ten, but most people I've had crushes on I've done the 'WTF was I thinking?' fairly soon.

    I reckon it'd be ok to tell him you're worried you're going to miss him if you ever go separate ways and see what he says.

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