I am ashamed of my sexuality, iin?

71% Normal
11 Comments

The history of my sexuality has been a somewhat complex one. I have always had an attraction to women, accept for the few times where I developed feelings for men. However, keep in mind that these men were usually gay and very effeminate. When I was a child, I stupidly came out as gay at my after school program. Consequently, I was terribly bullied for it and considered killing myself. At the time, my concept of sexuality was very black and white. It wasn't until I heard of bisexuality and put it in conjunction with the fact that I had feelings for a gay male friend, that I ended up leaping at this notion.

I went for many years believing that I was bisexual. However, there were some things that didn't add up. My lack of sexual, psychical, and emotional attraction towards men. Whereas, I consistently found myself having attractions on all levels towards females. I would always fantasize about being with a woman in a fulfilling relationship. It was very arousing for me. With men, the idea of having sexual relations kept turning me off and I never really would get aroused. A few months back, to shoo away the possibility of being gay, I fooled myself into believing that I was also asexual. It wasn't until 2 or 3 weeks ago, that I started to look more deeper into my sexuality and reconsider the possibility of me being gay.

I ended up talking to my doctor about this. The conclusion was that I am indeed a lesbian. Deep down, this seems obvious to me but, parts of me are still in denial. I am admittedly ashamed of my sexuality even though, I know that technically I shouldn't be. I have no issues with other people being in the LGBT community but when it comes to me, my greatest fear is that I am going to somehow let down my friends on here as well as others. I am aware that I shouldn't base my happiness on the happiness of others, but I can't help it.

I wish that I could be comfortable with myself and date someone, but my current situation seems to be a little risky… I also seem to be developing depression and it is probably partially because of this.

Is it normal?

Voting Results
71% Normal
Based on 34 votes (24 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • VirgilManly
    10 years ago

    I guess your feelings are understandable, but if someone is truly your friend then your sexuality shouldn't be an issue. If they feel 'let down' then they are pretty crappy friends.

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  • Crusades
    10 years ago

    You are a product of your environment.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      My shame or my sexuality?

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  • anti-hero
    10 years ago

    Maybe you should have mentioned you are female in the first line. I was assuming you were male until the word lesbian popped up.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Haha. Sorry, about that.

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  • Lonely2
    9 years ago

    I think we all experience some confusion regarding our sexuality during early puberty but generally these feelings are ironed out by late puberty..if we arevreally confused then there is ususally some sort of trauma we experienced that interfered with normal development..I think your confusion of going back and forth is causing the shame...but it is important to realize that it really doesnt matter that much except to help you understand yourself...theres nothing to be ashamed of

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  • noobpoet
    9 years ago

    If your friends are gonna leave you because you like vagina then they aren't friends.

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  • Nokiot9
    9 years ago

    Sounds like ur just uncomfortable with the label. You aren't sure what u are so u don't wanna lable urself anything. Do some sexual experiments. Hook up with a guy and see if you like it. That simple.

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  • KatieLiz
    10 years ago

    It's normal, we've been conditioned to think of homosexuality as something 'other'.
    But at the end of they day you just need to think: meh, fuck what everyone else thinks.
    Do your own thing.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Thank you.

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  • orinoco
    10 years ago

    I expect the votes in this case partially will answer to the question:

    "IIN that I am ashamed of my sexuality?",

    and partially to

    "Is my sexuality normal?".

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