I am a senior and i've had sex with 7 people...

65% Normal

Okay so I lost my virginity in may of this year (I was a junior soon to be a senior). I told him I didn't want to cause I was a virgin... He didn't listen... I was so sad that I cried right after. It hasn't even been a year since my first kiss. I am attractive (not to sound conceded tho it does..) and I'm a talented dancer artist and singer. I have blonde hair and blue eyes. Just trying to get a picture in your mind of who I am as a person. I'm the kind of girl who is very well known. Anyways I liked myself as a person but after that guy I was torn apart.. I was suppose to loose my virginity to another guy but I didn't because that's not who I am. I didn't want to loose being able to say I'm a virgin. Well after I lost it I freaked out and thought I couldn't have lost it like that! It's not fair! So I had sex with the other guy to make believe I lost it to him. I caught feelings and he didn't. I had a stupid one time sex with some random dude to see if I wanted sex from the guy I liked or if I actually liked him. Well that was stupid and trashy and I took a look at what I had done. I was trash. No better than a whore on a corner..sex became just another thing to me. I did it with a friend which brought my number to four. Sex just wasn't special anymore. I wanted so bad for it to be but I was highly depressed and I needed to feel something. I then did it with some guy who had got me into a lot of trouble back in may as well for something. I was suppose to loose it to him a long time ago but I never did it. I felt like such a slut I didn't care anymore so I did it with him. Then I had a one night stand with this amazing guy and I just say I don't regret him at all. He is the only guy I dot regret. Then I did it with this one guy who is friends with the people I use to be friends with. I knew he was going to homecoming with my old best friend. She hurt me soooooo bad so I wanted to screw her date tho she didn't like him an wouldn't care. I just wanted to feel control. Then the last guy is this guy I've been talking to for a few months. He and I liked each other but he can't ah e a girlfriend right now. We were alone and started to kiss and cuddle. As time went on we did more though we knew we couldn't be together. It just felt good and made me feel safe and wanted. Am I a slut? Is this normal? I don't wanna do this stuff anymore cause its done a world of hurt for me. Please tell me what to do and please tell me I'm not a slut.

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65% Normal

Based on 17 votes (11 yes)

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Comments ( 35 )

zelskid

11 years ago

just move on. High School is tough. Everyone knows who did who. Boys brag. College will be better

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- Littledreamer
  
  11 years ago
  
  Thank you :) I talked to a counsler today an she helped sooo much. I'm feeling better. Can't wait for college!
  
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  - zelskid
    
    11 years ago
    
    try to keep your sex partners down to 3-4 a year and all will be well
    
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    - Littledreamer
      
      11 years ago
      
      Okay I'm planning on lower than that. Thank you :)
      
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      - zelskid
        
        11 years ago
        
        becoming a nun?
        
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        Littledreamer
        
        11 years ago
        
        Hahahaha no I'm not becoming a nun.
        
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Darkoil

11 years ago

There's nothing wrong with having a lot of sex.

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elenaki

11 years ago

Who the hell has the right to judge you? I know you're not proud of what you did, but, hey, it happened. Would you be the person you are right now if it didn't happen? I know you may not be proud of that person right now, but trust me, you will be. You don't need anybody's reassurance. You are much more than that. Much more than your actions. You have a conscience, you feel what you did wasn't right. You can accept your mistakes of the past and move on. But there is nothing to forgive, don't you get that? What you think is wrong is only wrong in your book. I get that must be hard on you but being hard on yourself won't do you any good. And you really don't deserve all the judgement you're putting on your shoulders. You judge yourself more than anybody else does. You had a rough time. You shouldn't regret one second of what you did. It made you who you are. It made you realize people are more than the names other pin on them. You may not feel like it right now, but you're strong. You made it through a really rough time. Anyone daring to call you a name can't understand what you went through. But you can, and you can let that make you a better person, a better listener for others. You had the balls to come out of this experience alive.. I bet you were depressed. Losing yourself is even harder than losing someone you love (i would know). This is your chance to become someone you're proud of. Don't lose yourself. And fuck others people's definitions of good. If you can go to bed at night thinking you made someone smile, there's nothing more you have to do.
I don't know you, yet I'm proud of you. You're brave enough to recognize your problem and seek help. You're not afraid to face consequences and judgement, but even if you are afraid, you still have the balls to face it. Your judgement hurts more than that of other people's, I know that. But if I, a perfect stranger, can be proud of you, so can you. I honestly believe I have no reason to worry for you. You're on your way to get better, you're actually halfway there. And if you made it this far it should be a lot easier now.
Trust yourself and accept yourself for who you trully are because you won't be happy living by someone else's standards or rules. If someone's holding you down cut them loose. I know it's a bunch of cliches but honestly, it's true, and it's the best advice I can give you. You'll get there. I wish you the best.

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- Littledreamer
  
  11 years ago
  
  I can't even tell you how much better I feel after reading what you just wrote. I am amazed at how much better I feel from jut sharing my problem, hearing people's opinions and advice, and reading what you just said. I feel like you are the realest person on here. I got treay eyed by your supportive words. Thank you. You are an amazing person. Thank you so much<3
  
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  - elenaki
    
    11 years ago
    
    You're welcome. I'm glad you feel better. If you need to talk at any time feel free to message me :)
    
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    - Littledreamer
      
      11 years ago
      
      Oh my godness thank you!!! Bless you, honestly. We need more people like you out there :)
      
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anti-hero

11 years ago

May to Nov. is only 7 months. You have slept with 7 people. You are sleeping with a different person every month. Not normal. Not trying to be judgemental or anything but it is not normal.

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- Littledreamer
  
  11 years ago
  
  Okay thank you for you're input. I was homeschooled until junior year and was a very innocent and sweet. I had some bad things happen to me that hurt me that wasn't my fault in my sophomore year. I was super depressed by it so I went to school to have a change you know? Well I go and then eventually I became like everyone else. I don't want to be a slut anymore but I can't undo my past. If I stop will I no longer be a slut? My virginity was important to me and I was so angry I lost it like that. I told him no!... About six of the guys I wanted a relationship with, we just moved too fast, I moved too fast. I was just looking for someone to make me happy so I didn't have to be sad about that guy raping me. So can I become a non-slut again? This is breaking my heart and I don't like this.
  
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dude_Jones

11 years ago

Please don't have sex to "feel something". You are important even if you don't have a boyfriend. "Feel something" first, then get romantically involved slowly.

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- Littledreamer
  
  11 years ago
  
  That's exactly what I need to do. I realize that and know I can do that now that I am stronger and more mature.
  
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BHolt

11 years ago

Don't worry about it. Enjoy your sexuality as much or as little as you please. Ignore the social stigma of labels like "slut" and just don't what feels good for you.

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- Littledreamer
  
  11 years ago
  
  Sounds good to me :) thank you :)
  
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  - BHolt
    
    11 years ago
    
    No problem. There is too much hype and BS around sexuality. Here in Australia, we are very sexually liberal compared to countries like the US. We see Americans as quite prudish compared to our ways.
    
    My personal view is have sex with anyone and everyone you want, any time you want. As long as you are enjoying yourself, what the fuck does it matter to anyone-else..
    
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Littledreamer

11 years ago

I just want to thank everyone for not calling me rude names and making me feel worse. I think my problem is I can't forgive myself for my mistakes and feel like I can't change because of that lack of forgiveness. Therefore I just keep on making the same mistakes. First step was talking to a counsler and now I'm tryin to forgive myself. Again, I appreciate all of your opinions. You kept your answers clean,classy, and serious and that is very helpful for someone who can't forgive themself. Thank you.

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- 1000yrVampireKing
  
  11 years ago
  
  So he raped you? If you said no and you did not want sex and they forced you that is rape. It is not your fault.
  
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  - Littledreamer
    
    11 years ago
    
    Yeah he raped me and it wasn't my fault. The other guys I must take responsibility for. Even though I was not really 100% for sex with most of them I still did it. They are responsible and so am I. I need to admit it in order to change it.
    
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    - 1000yrVampireKing
      
      11 years ago
      
      Did you ever report him for doing this to you? You should talk to a therapist about this.
      
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      - Littledreamer
        
        11 years ago
        
        I'd rather not talk about what I did about it. And I talked to a counsler today.
        
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Gelmurag

11 years ago

I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to answer you. There is a part of me that is angry, that you don't see the self destructive path you are on. There is a part of me that has some sympathy, or at least understands what started you on this "downward spiral." I'm not sure my normally tactless and usually mean response would work in your case.

It seems that you are trying to find a deeper meaning in sex, than what you are...able...to feel... right now. In place of drugs, or eating, you are using sex as a means to fill a hole in your heart, and you just aren't able to get the proper satisfaction you need from it.

" If I stop will I no longer be a slut?" uhm...isn't this one obvious? Yes, if you slow yourself down, take some time to recover mentally/emotionally/physically, and find out what it is you really need to start to feel happy again (sex isn't it, and usually is never it) the rough waters you are experiencing will begin to smooth out.

Sex is never the answer for "so I didn't have to be sad about that guy raping me." Having a long term relationship that slowly leads to sex, where is is a mutual thing, and much more emotional will help. Once you meet a guy, give it at least 6 months before letting him even come close to your crotch. Remember, any good male, will also know that good things are worth waiting for.

No means no. No means no at 5, it means no at 10, it means no at 30. Anyone who doesn't respect that much, should go to rehabilitation. I hope you have bought yourself a nice taser to keep with you to help prevent that from happening again.

I would suggest however, that you try to find someone more professional to talk to. I'm not sure a school counselor will be able to help much, but it is at least a start. There are also therapists that would be suited to your needs. I'm not saying you need medication, or you are crazy, or anything even remotely like that. What I am saying however, especially with your past issues, is that someone with a degree in psychology will be able to help you much more than a website. Plus, between you and me, talking to someone face to face about this would help also.

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- Littledreamer
  
  11 years ago
  
  That was the best answer I've gotten. And I do see that this path is destructive and that it's unhealthy. That's why I want to stop. I just asked the "if I stop will I not be a slut anymore?" Because one time I tried to stop but this girl who meant the world to me thinks I am and she told me I'm worthless and will tell that same thing to anyone who brings me up to her.
  I talked to my school counsler today and she helped alot. She knows me well and knows I'm not a bad person. That I care about people's feelings and that I love life and want to be happy and to share the love so to speak. It's just that part of me feels suffocated because others convince others and even myself that I am the biggest whore at the school and I'm disgusting. Again thank you for your input.
  
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  - Gelmurag
    
    11 years ago
    
    I don't think being good or bad as a person has anything to do with it. I think there are circumstances that left you...for lack of a better way to put it, empty. The sex was just an attempt at trying to feel something. There is a separation, at least for me, between the person in general, and the person in the bedroom. In 14 years of knowing about sex, I've had 3 bjs, 2 hj, anal with a guy once, anal with a girl once, and one regular vaginal (and honestly none were anything to brag about). So I don't take sex with people very lightly. Usually for me, once I get comfy with someone to do it, it is already to late and they are talking to some other guy. You are the opposite of that. But that doesn't detract from you as an actual person.
    
    I mean, you came here looking for someone to talk to, and that is the first step in a potentially long journey. I'm truly sorry for what happened. I'm glad that you can talk about it. It was indeed horrible what happened to you, and I'm happy that you are wanting to start to change. You really haven't done anything that wrong. I have two female friends, one is at 70 men, and the other lost count over 110. You aren't nearly to those numbers.
    
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    - Littledreamer
      
      11 years ago
      
      Wow... That's alot of guys... And I know what you mean. As soon as I get comfortable with a person and trust them they split an talk to another girl.
      
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      - Gelmurag
        
        11 years ago
        
        just don't listen tot he negativity. You've had enough negative stuff happen in your life. Besides, you seem pretty cool to me. At least thats the feeling i get. I think its because you want to change.
        
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        Littledreamer
        
        11 years ago
        
        Yeah I really need to shut out all negative word because that makes it worse for me. And thank you :)
        
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Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

11 years ago

sounds like you're trying to use sex for the wrong reasons.

instead of using it for romance, it sounds like you're using it for control, revenge, etc.

Yes, you can change - if you want.

And now for some very hard things to face: you have to take responsibility for the loss of your virginity as well. I know you "told him no" but... what was he doing there to begin with?

Yes, I believe both men and women HAVE to stop when the partner says "no!" BUT part of growing up and being responsible is not putting yourself in that position to begin with.

If you don't want to fuck someone, don't get in bed with him, don't get naked.

It's a lesson many girls hate having to face. On one hand there's the attitude of "well he should just stop!" and yes he should. But on the other hand, you can stop it from getting that far too.

Take responsibility for your body. Cos many of the situations you faced in high school will still be there - and you'll likely face MORE of it, especially when you add alcohol to the mix.

So, take what you've gone through now... and use it as your "shield" so to speak. You already know you disliked how you ended up feeling, so you know what lies ahead if you don't change into the person you want to be.

Let your experience change you for the better instead of letting it hold you down.

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- Littledreamer
  
  11 years ago
  
  Okay thanks for the input. And that guy I said no to I didn't offer, I didn't ask, I didn't willingly do anything. He straight up raped me so that's not my fault. I said no as he was doing it. I yelled at him but he wouldn't stop until I hit him really hard in the face. So I did do what I should have in that situation. It didn't last long cause my struggling but his penis went in. So I lost my virginity to some guy in less than a minute.
  
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  - Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    
    11 years ago
    
    ok that's a bit different then. (notably without details one cannot tell if it was date rape or attack rape)
    
    and, interestingly, i have heard of people seeking more sex after rape. including meaningless sex
    
    cos ... if sex becomes meaningless it means he didn't take much from you right?
    
    the problem of course is that it ends up doing more harm than good.
    
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    - Littledreamer
      
      11 years ago
      
      Yes that totally makes sense. It was attact. I don't drink or smoke or party or do drugs. I'm your adventage "good kid" beside all the sex...
      
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      - Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
        
        11 years ago
        
        well then, now you have some ideas on how to move on.
        
        he controlled your body for a short period of time.
        it's time to stop letting him continue to control it. take the bull by the horns and take control of your own body and life.
        
        let your actions be ones you actually want. give yourself permission to be the person you want to be.
        
        and that doesn't mean "no sex" really. you can be sexually active - but let it be because it's something you actually want with your entire heart, mind, and body.
        
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        Littledreamer
        
        11 years ago
        
        I was unsure if using this site would be beneficial but your opinion and view on my situation has helped. Thank you for everything you've pointed out and said.
        
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I am a senior and i've had sex with 7 people...