I am 23 years old, and am not allowed to have sex.

23% Normal
25 Comments

I am a 23 year old college student. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years now (our anniversary was this weekend). We started dating in high school, and we decided to wait because we felt that we were too young to have sex at the time. We both decided to wait until college.

I live with my older sister (she is legally my guardian, and has been watching me since birth). She has told me multiple times that she does not want my boyfriend and me to have sex because she believes we are still too young (again, I am 23 and he is 22). She strongly believes having sex will ruin our lives and that she has a say in whether we are ready or not. I grew up in a Christian household. I am a Deist. I wouldn't say she is a God-fearing woman, but she is definitely religious.

My boyfriend and I are planning on having sex, but I don't feel comfortable doing it knowing she is very against it. I personally believe sex is one's personal decision, and that no one should dictate when you are ready but you. I am terrified of her finding out, though. I wouldn't blame her for being upset; I would be breaking the values that have been emphasized to me since I was a pre-teen. I'm worried that she will stop me from seeing my boyfriend, or accuse him of forcing me to have sex with him (she has done that before too. My boyfriend has NEVER forced me to have sex).

I do love my sister very much and I want to make her happy, but I don't like being told what to do with my body or made to feel bad and ostracized for my personal choices. Is this kind of behavior normal? Am I being too insensitive? Also, if anyone has a similar experience I would love to hear them.

Voting Results
23% Normal
Based on 125 votes (29 yes)
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Comments ( 25 )
  • Cheet0
    7 years ago

    You are an adult, and can do what you please

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  • Ellenna
    7 years ago

    I find it very hard to believe that any adult has a legal guardian: surely her guardianship ended when you turned 18 or 21, depending on where you live?

    It's obvious she's more controlling and disrespectful than caring. Ignore her and take control of your own life: it doesn't matter how long you wait she's going to be upset.

    I can't help speculating that she just doesn't like sex in any form, either for herself or anyone else.

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    • suffocated23
      7 years ago

      Sorry. That was a mistake on my part. She did become my legal guardian in my teens years after I was orphaned. I'm with her now because she supports me financially, and right now I don't have the means to move out at the moment.

      I do agree that she has a controlling streak, and she will probably never be happy with it regardless of how old I am.

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      • Ellenna
        7 years ago

        Well, if you don't want her to continue controlling your life you need to get yourself financially independent enough to move out or learn to take no notice of her attempts (successful so far) to run your life

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  • sunshinemoonlight
    7 years ago

    very strange

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  • Westernman
    7 years ago

    WTF... There are many issues here, please get out of this situation.

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  • blue_avocado
    7 years ago

    At your age, it is your decision but I think you are being nice by respecting her wishes in her home. That says a lot about your character. I think you and your boyfriend, if you both feel ready, should go and get a room somewhere for a night and have sex if that is what you want to do. Please use protection (even though you have been with him forever). That's my motherly advice.

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    • suffocated23
      7 years ago

      I really do appreciate this piece of advice. Thank you!

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  • Insanitybxtch
    7 years ago

    If you don't feel comfortable with it don't do it

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    • suffocated23
      7 years ago

      Yeah, you're right. Thanks. :)

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  • Gspyder
    7 years ago

    Most people's parents (or guardians) don't want them having sex. Once you're 18 it's not really there decision though. You're more than old enough to have sex if you want to

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  • suffocated23
    7 years ago

    Ok. First of all, why does anyone even care what my living situation or financial state is? I added it in my post to paint the bigger picture. It is apparent many people cannot read or comprehend. So allow me to explain it slowly:

    I became an orphan in my early teens. My older sister decided to take me up for legal guardianship. Yes, I am an adult now. And she does not have guardianship over me anymore. HOWEVER, she is still willing to help me until I can move out on my own. Does she overstep her boundaries? Most definitely.

    As for my financial state, I DO WORK. I have a job, but I currently make slightly above minimum wage and am in no way to currently live on my own right now. It's so easy for some of you to say "Just move out," or "Save your money." I live in an expensive ass state. Do you know how long I'd have to save up to move with the money I make right now as a part time worker? Not to mention I am currently a student. While I can look for another job, my priority lies in my schoolwork. (And for the person who commented on why I'm still in school, I transferred from another school and switched majors. Not that it should really matter to you anyway).

    And finally, as for all of the other commenters: for those who were even slightly helpful I thank you. For the rest who made ludacris comments, fuck off.

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  • LostCaller
    7 years ago

    The way this was worded caused me to answer incorrectly. You should do whatever you want and if your sister has a problem with you that's her own fault. Even if she is protecting you, people have to learn from their own experience so they can be ready to take on hard situations when they have to do so alone. So I the long run, your sister is actually not protecting you, but putting you in danger.

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  • Fugazi,again
    7 years ago

    It sounds like she just doesnt want you to rush into it, shes just being protective and trying to make sure you dont make a decision you regret. You should be glad she cares enough to try and protect you. Its your decision to do it when you feel comfortable with it.
    Maybe she should get to know your boyfriend better first, so she knows he cares about you and isnt just trying to get laid.

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    • Ellenna
      7 years ago

      Oh get out of it, the sister is a control freak

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      • Fugazi,again
        7 years ago

        I agree its not normal at 23 but her sister probly still sees her as her kid sister and it would be insensitive not to consider her feelings at least

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  • FreeThinker72
    7 years ago

    Whether you are 18 or 118...it's your body and your choice. No one should be forcing you to not have sex. If you were a minor, and your parents were controlling you, I could understand that. But you're an adult. I'd say stop stressing over it, go get a hotel room, and have sex until you're both so sore you can't walk.

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  • mtmarried
    7 years ago

    Living in your sister's home you should honor what her household rules are. It seems you guys have a pretty decent amount of respect for one another.

    If this is something you want then get out on your own.

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  • jethro
    7 years ago

    At 23 you don't need a guardian. Your sister can't tell you what to do. By the way, what are you still doing in college at 23? Are you going for a PhD or something? You should have graduated by 23.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    7 years ago

    Haha you mean you haven't done it anyway.

    Haha.

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  • IMissMary
    7 years ago

    News Flash

    Adults don't have guardians unless you are retarded or something and can't take care of yourself.

    Are you retarded?

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    • suffocated23
      7 years ago

      If anything confuses you, and you fail to comprehend anything in my post then please let me know. :)

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    • suffocated23
      7 years ago

      If you had bother to READ the comments, you will find that I had made an error in my post and stated that my sister had legal guardianship of me when I became an orphan and that I am currently living with her for financial reasons. I guess you are retarded, you apparently hadn't read the comments.

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  • suffocated23
    7 years ago

    I am happy she cares. I know deep down she does. I just wish she didn't act so controlling about it. She knows my boyfriend pretty well, actually. But she believes that I do not want to have sex, and when I try to talk to her she jumps to the conclusion that he is forcing me.

    Edit: My boyfriend and I have been waiting as long as we have simply because we don't want to upset her.

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  • Gina-G
    7 years ago

    You are an adult. You don't need permission to have sex. I was having sex at 14. My parents didn't know, but I have a really healthy sexual appetite because it wasn't suppressed. Just book a room and get fucked! Don't forget the condom though!

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