I always feel like i'm bothering people. iin?

61% Normal
9 Comments

I used to always apologize too much but ever since "12th" grade started I've just been so much worse. I feel as though I'm bothering almost every single person I encounter. I don't want to waste their precious time with whatever stupid thing I have to say, and on the few occasions that I do, I feel guilty, a waste of time, and no good.

I really want to reach out to people. When I do, it's...brief, and not very often. I wouldn't feel guilty talking to a therapist because it's their JOB - they pretty much volunteered for this. The thing is, I refuse to see one again. The last woman I saw was nice, but she didn't understand me. I don't care how nice she was, I could tell she just wanted me in and out and my parents' money. She was essentially getting paid to not understand me and listen to me cry for an hour. Haha, yeah no.

I just can't force myself to be close and to open up to someone, you know? So whenever I go to people that I really DO love, and trust, and feel like I can be open with - I just feel selfish and greedy. It's neither their job nor obligation to help me, and even if they say "you know you can talk to me any time", I know it would be horrible of me to take advantage of that. My friends and loved ones are not my personal therapists.

I just don't know. I'm planning on either leaving or dying and I at least want to tell my uh...significant other? I think is the appropriate term? Because we've shared our deepest-ass secrets. But I just feel like I can't, anymore. Already told that I'd considered suicide a few times but I don't want to bring it up again because I don't want to bother anyone.

This is just another stressful thing. I've been on multiple websites asking multiple strangers what they thought, and all say, "They would rather you talk to them and 'bother' them than be dead forever", which I think is sweet, but I can't believe it. In reality, nobody wants to be bothered with a mopey, depressed fuck like me, right? As much as I love them and I think they like me, I just can't burden them with my problems.

I'm confused, what do I do? And is it normal to feel like I'm constantly a hindrance to other people?

Voting Results
61% Normal
Based on 36 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • thr
    9 years ago

    A lot of what you write resonates with me. I don't feel like that now, but I think I have had thoughts similar to the reasoning you describe about not being worth others' time.

    While maybe not in the same way or context, I have also had a lot of thoughts about there not being obligations between me and others, having had thoughts that can be worded as 'I don't owe other people anything, and they don't owe me anything'. This was in a time of my life where I isolated myself from others.

    To me, it sounds like your view of things is skewed, and it sounds like you demand of yourself to have great focus on and worry about how others might not enjoy your contribution to their day.

    Reasoning about guilt and obligations seems important to you. How about the following reasoning?
    If someone says you can talk to them anytime, then the fault is on them if they do not enjoy talking to you. Their time is their responsibility, and, thus, it is not up to you to worry about if their time is wasted.
    For comparison, if someone offers you something to drink or a sugary treat, would it be horrible of you to take advantage of that, by accepting the offer?

    It sounds like your overestimation of how much you need to worry about whether you're worth someone else's time is the result of an unhealthy mind, and while it may make sense, it is not sensible. Instead of telling yourself that you are wasting other people's time, you could have thoughts that go 'maybe tomorrow I'll be even better company'.

    I've already written a lot, but I also want to mention the question of how you feel about others 'bothering' you. Do you view others as selfish and greedy if they want to spend time with you or ask for help from you?

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    • ㅤㅤㅤ
      9 years ago

      Forgot to say, thank you so much for your comment.

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    • ㅤㅤㅤ
      9 years ago

      No no, don't worry about writing a lot, I enjoy reading long comments.

      No, I do not see them as selfish or greedy. They're all nice, kind, excellent people and I just don't want to get in their way and hold them back.

      What you say makes sense too, but whag I think also makes sense... If that makes sense. I don't like it when people "owe" me. I feel uncomfortable taking most things unless I'm desperate for it (like water, a ride on a hot day, etc.)

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      • thr
        9 years ago

        I think a point I forgot to make in my previous post is that the way you feel about others not being a nuisance to you, could very well be the way others feel about you, so that they don't see you as selfish and greedy if you try to spend time with them.

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        • ㅤㅤㅤ
          9 years ago

          Sorry, I don't understand.

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          • thr
            9 years ago

            Okay. You don't feel irritated if people you know try to spend time with you, right? They probably feel the same way about you.

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  • noid
    9 years ago

    A different therapist and an antidepressant...?

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    maybe you need a friend who likes to help....someone who wants results

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    • ㅤㅤㅤ
      9 years ago

      They all do, I just still feel as though I'm a hindrance.

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