I absolutely hate my family!!!!! help me, xiexie! thx!!
I hate my family! We are Chinese living in States, NV, Vegas. Right now, I'm living with my aunt and her son(11 yrs old), and another cousin who's 2 days younger than me, let's call him John. My mom lives in another states, cause she has addiction to gambling. Ok, my mom helped John to come here as a international student, but note he does not make good grades at all! All he does in China was to play computer games in internet cafes. His dad has been a little strict on him make him stay away from the internet cafes. One day, he told his mom:"if he really piss my off, I'm gonna set the house on fire." Anyway, when he got here, I took him out few times, but I felt he's being bored and not enjoying it. When we all go out to eat, I always help him get food to his dishes. My mom borrowed around $10,000from friends to sent him to school(yes it's really expensive, a semester is $3000 , but the rest has to stay in his account), I took $200(all I had) from my savings too.
In the beginning I mentioned my mom has addiction to gambling. She don't have much clothes at all, she always takes me to the casino restaurants to eat, but she eats so little, then she goes to the table. I always get angry with her, it's so obvious to other people, I look so hard on my face, but I felt so bad deep down. I want her to stop gambling, I want her to get more clothes and dress better, I... want her to spend time eating with me. Because, the longest length of time me and her ever lived together is only two years, that's when we first came to the States. Because of her gambling, I had so much argument with her! Once I even broke a body mirrow, and got injured(John was there too.) I mentioned about suicide many times, and we'd argue about going to die. Our last Christmas was all that, I threw things off my desk, I thought she went again when she was sleeping in the living room. For three days, she didn't go.
Sometimes I get so depressed, but I got no one to talk to. John, my only family member I can talk to... I talk to him, but whenever it's about an opinion kinda conversation, like sharing feelings, he would always say:"Don't tell to me, I'm just a PIG, all I know is to eat." He say that in a normal tune, sounds nothing offensive, but makes me feel even more uncomfortable. Even if I get so much burden in my heart because my mom gambles too much, I tell him about it, he would say the same thing. And, usually he comes home from school around 3,4 o'clock. Sometimes it's already pass 6, he's still not home, I get so worried, and call him a couple times, he never respond or call back, he doesn't say anything either when he gets home. I never cook, he cooks a meal in a day, that's supper, I forgot for how long, when I go to do dishes, he always takes over, for many times, so I got used to it. There's no communication between us. Sometimes I feel really down, I would slam my door, when I go to the kitchen, I kinda slam the washer door, it's in the evenings.