I’m terrified. please help :(

I’m absolutely terrified. Everyday its like something bad is going to happen and someone is going to hurt me. I hide from my family and try to avoid them because of this (they’re not even my real family anyway cause I’m adopted). Sometimes I become so insanely scared that I start hyperventilating shaking and sobbing.

One example was when I was extremely scared one day and my adoptive mom tried to hug me. I was so scared I screamed and peed myself. I know it’s ridiculous, but I really felt like she was going to kill me.

Im a small fuzzy prey animal. I want to be loved and held and feel safe but everything around me is telling me I’m going to die. When I try not to listen it only gets worse.

I want to be cuddled, loved and safe but I’m so scared. Every time I’m hiding and they find me i imagine them tearing my intestines out and eat me alive shaking in a pool of blood. Every time they touch me I feel like pissing myself and each time they raise their voice it feels like I’m going to die.

I’m craving cuddles so bad that it’s torture. Every time I see people touching each other I feel like I’m going to explode. Sometimes I’ll deliberately torture myself and I don’t know why, by looking up pictures of people hugging and I end up crying for hours.
I want to nurse. Sometimes I’ll watch videos of babies breastfeeding too, and suck on my teddy bear until I can sleep.

Im a helpless little bunny and all the people are dogs going to eat me alive. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I do.
I’m a coward.