I’m going bat shit crazy
I’m just venting. So if you don’t want to hear negative stuff don’t read.
Everyday of my life is a crazy whirlwind. I’m trying my best to hang on, as I have been trying for years. But I feel like I’m going to break.
Ive been to multiple psychologists over the years but aren’t anymore because my mom is fed up with it. They all have said I have different things.
One said depression and anxiety, one said Aspergers and anxiety, one said bi polar, one RAD, one said PTSD, one said DID, and the one I was to last said schizophrenia.
I feel absolutely nuts! Like a rabid hyena or dog! I’ve attacked and killed things before and set multiple fires to ease my mind. I’m trying my best to control because I don’t want to go to jail for murdering someone, but I’m getting darker by the day. I used to be on meds and those where good, but they took away my mind and made me lose to much weight.
I’m just so fucking frustrated!!! I’ve been doing this ever since I was little. Go around in a spiral of psychosis, getting better, psychosis, and getting better. Then it all plummets down again. I feel scared and want comfort but I hate people and attack if they try to control me. I crave cuddles, but I’m terrified of it also.
I’ve made recent friends but already they are getting nervous of me. I told them I would never hurt them, but I don’t think it’s enough. I’m scared they might leave. Just like everything fucking leaves!!
This is all my birth mothers and fathers fault I feel like. If I was still with her I’d still have my mom and if my dad wasn’t a jackass pedophile he could be my dad too. I’m probably going to kill him once I’m allowed to get a car. DO NOT feel sorry for him!! He’s a monster and the whole reason I’m so freaking disgusting!! He hurt me and my mom and everyone else. He deserves what’s coming. I have his general area so it shouldn’t be hard to find him. It’s either fight or die. I feel like a rabbit from watership down. And if I done kill him I’ll just except my fate of death.
Anyways, that’s my motherfucking rant. If you want to troll, go ahead. I’ll just cuss you out if I don’t like you. Just being honest. If you want to help, you can’t. I’ve tried to get help but I don’t feel like I can anymore. Bye.