How to knock down an emotional wall

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Hello.so I believe I already know the answer to this question but I thought I would ask anyways.I have been with my girlfriend for 8 years. we have had a Rocky past few years.we have lived together 4 times and 4 times she has moved out.we have technically only split up once in 8 years. when she would move out we stayed together just not lived together.i am 44 and have 3 kids with 3 different wemon.the shortest relationship was 5 years longest was 10.none of my kids were accidents!(just a little insite) So back to my problem.when my girlfriend and I met I had the pervebel Wall up due to getting out of a 10 year relationship. (married for 5 of it) but over time I decided to let her knock it down because I cared for her sooooooooo much I want her to be happy and more importantly I wanted to be happy.and I believe I made the right decision.even after all that has happened.but unfortunately (as I like to say) she has used the bricks that fell to the ground when she knocked my wall down to build her own wall.I can truely honestly without any hesitation say she is the only woman I have ever been TRUELY in love with.of course I cared for and loved my childrens mothers but I don't believe I ever truely was in love with them.with that said I have made A LOT of changes to better myself over the past 3 years.I even went to work out of state to soley focus on becoming a better man.I did nothing but work,gym and sit in the basement where my room was in the house I was staying in.I socialized with no one outside of co-workers.I listened to numerous " self help" books and focused every minute of every day on my behavior and reactions to everyday life stresses ( my reactions to things are what ALOT of our issues we're about) sense doing this and living by what I listened to in the audio books I have as I said become a much better man.I no longer take her for granted and I treat her as well as any human should be and deserves to be treated ! I truly do not know how I could treat her any better.i send her flowers to her office on every occasion. And sometimes even just because. I compliment her daily and I do every dam thing in my power for her.We have always kept our finances separate but I would NEVER let her go without! I have made it possible for her to buy every car she has had in the last 8 years.Either through financially or with my signature.I have been in her daughtes life sense she was 6 weeks old. And have always excepted her as my own.(she used to call me daddy before all of this 🤔 heart breaking) and even now I ask to spend time with her as often as I can.she is very close to my biological daughter.they call each other sisters.(I appoligize for the length of this but details are very important they are key to everything) my girlfriend and I only live about 7-10 minutes away from each other and I only see her 3-4 times a month.when I sold my house (where we lived when we first met) I made sure I stayed close to where she moved.when we lived in the house I sold in the beginning she moved in and out of it 4 times as I said .she told me she never felt comfortable there because my xwife was on the title.but I always did everything I could to make her feel at home there.I let her do all the decorating,bring all of her stuff into the house when she moved in.I got rid of alot of my things to make room for her and her daughters things .whom I love and miss very much,as much as my girlfriend.I have left out a couple of the things I did in the past if anyone is interested I am willing to share.As ashamed as I am for doing them I have expected what I did, taken responability for them and left them in the past where they belong (I have never cheated ).she has told me many many times that she has forgiven me and does not hold them against me (although I'm not sure she has) she has told me on many occasions that I am a great man and A very good supporter.and that she knows I have changed alot and appreciates the changes.but with that said she still will not let herself get close to me.she keeps our relationship at a safe distance enough for us to stay "together" but far enough away to keep herself safe.(this is the conclusion I have come to) she has never openly said this.It just appears obvious to me.She does not like to talk about our issues/situation when we start to discuss everything after about 5 minutes she just says (excuse the bluntness) "wouldn't you rather just have sex" I have told her over and over again you can't just throw your vagina at it every time.she just laughes and says "yes I can I have been doing it for years" well as a man what do you think I give into every single time ! I ain't gonna say no.we have tried to separate a few times and every time we come back to each other.If I instigate it I last about 2 weeks then I can't take being without her and I call her and beg her to take me back.if she instigats it, it lasts about a month and she calls/text me.and inevitably we end up back together.I have told her this is silly neither one of us are ever going to live without the other so the sooner we except that the sooner we can be together 100%.but she just laughes.she is very insucure about herself because she has put on a little weight.but I honestly do not care in the least. I have even tried to put weight back on after loosing 45 lbs. to help her feel more comfortable and better about herself. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever been with and the ONLY woman whom I have ever been in love with there personality ! She is truly an amazing person.she makes me laugh she makes me cry and as corny as it sounds she makes me want to be a better man.and I truly believe I have achieved that because of her.she is the only woman i have ever trusted unequivocally 200%.I know she is still deeply in love with me and am 100% positive there is no one else in her life.so with ALL that said.my question is. Is it normal for me to continue to wait for her and hope she eventually let's her "wall" down ?.I was sending her compliments over text and she reponded with "I don't know if I will ever be able to let my wall down.i am extremely lost and don't know what to do.i can't leave her I have tried as I said

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Comments ( 2 )
  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago

    I don't know which advice to give but that you keep loving her and showing you care. If she has any feelings for you, this wall can be brought down.

    I was very moved by your story, you seem like a loving, cool guy.
    I wish you the best of luck!

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  • shamrock2228
    6 years ago

    I'm going to say a few things that might hurt, but I think you already know this deep down. She doesn't deserve you and she will NEVER let that wall down if she hasn't already. I went through a similar situation, and I realized that my happiness has to be with myself. In other words, don't look for someone to make you happy...YOU have to make you happy. You say you've done alot of "self help". Does any of that include recognizing your own self value? If not, please PLEASE look into it. And I get the whole age thing. I'm almost 43 and I feel like the clock is ticking too fast now. In my situation, I was also giving way more than I received and that wasn't fair. If it's meant to be you WILL NOT struggle. But until you let go of her, you will not be available to the woman that is right for you. Don't let her just pass by. Let go of this one. You need to find hobbies, friends, maybe a class to take in something you are interested in. Fill your time with positive things and you will have less time to think about how you can change someone that doesn't want to change.

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