How should i answer when asked for my name by strangers online... and why?

Please leave a comment when you vote explaining why you chose what you did.

I have my birthname, which is perfectly fine but is stereotypically associated with females and females only.

Another name (which I also use, and chose for myself) is much more unique. As in, I don't know anyone else who goes by it at all.

The thing about the other name is that it can be read as neutral, female or male.
On one hand I don't owe strangers my entire life story but on the other it pays to be honest.
Right now, when someone asks my name, I dodge the question by saying I go by many names (Which is true, because of my job).
Because my Other Name is so unique, I'm very easily Googleable and I'm paranoid about people who I talk to online trying to meet/stalk me IRL.

So do I risk being more easily Googleable by sharing my Other name, share my birth name and risk not necessarily being seen for who I am or what?!
I know there are some people out there treat birth names as The Only Real Name, even when trans people transition.

And sometimes I use other names again when a stranger in the street tries to talk to me, purely for safety.

This has been bugging me for a little while.

Go on a case-by-case basis	12
...other?	4
Other name always	8
Birth name always	4

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Comments ( 30 )

Grunewald

2 years ago

I'm female and a millennial. We were just discovering the horrors of the internet when I was a teen - girls meeting up with people they had met in chatrooms and getting kidnapped, etc. 'Never give your real name and address online' was a mantra I grew up with.

I just say 'I'm sorry; I have a blanket policy of not sharing my real name to people I don't know in real life. It's not personal.'.

I can recall about one person who didn't like this - and he/she wasn't a terribly respectful personal anyway.

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- SkullsNRoses
  
  2 years ago
  
  True, anyone getting pushy online about revealing your personal information is not someone you should be talking to.
  
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bbrown95

2 years ago

I personally haven't shared my name with anyone online. I haven't even put a name out there, and have always just told people that I don't give out my name because I don't want to be identified.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  I know I'm making assumptions here, but what if it's someone you meet through e.g. in my case an online dating site/a site for a particular interest?
  
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  - olderdude-xx
    
    2 years ago
    
    That's a very good question. Having lived though the start of personal adds in the newspaper though the development of internet dating and meeting sites, and having experienced scams and of course now constant scam attempts I have changed over the years.
    
    Long time ago I used my first name (or a variation on it) as my user name (its fairly rare - I think I have met less than 10 other people in my life with the same 1st name). People today still find forums that I participated on long ago and what I wrote by searching that first name (and I still participate in a few of those forums even now under my original "first name" based user name - I've litterly been on some forums for decades).
    
    Then I changed to pseudo names for user names; and if a name was required I provided my 1st name and even my phone number (and lived to regret that in some cases).
    
    Now if a name is requested from most forums (and especially dating sites) I have a standard statement about how most people are honest; however, scammers are common, so for both of us and our safety pseudo names and anonymous phone numbers are acceptable until we meet a few times in person and are comfortable with each other.
    
    In these cases I provide my middle name (with an email address based on my middle name that is untraceable to me, and I have a Tracfone that I paid cash for that is only refilled via cash purchased refill cards and has never ever connected to my home WiFi so it cannot be traced to me). That works. No one have objected (and many have thanked me for that).
    
    My wife and I are very happy with this method as I there were 2 previous blackmail attempts against me when I provided my real phone number (somehow they were able to access the contact list on my phone).
    
    If its a professional forum they get my real name, then either my personal or one of 2 business phone numbers. I've rarely had problems on professional forums.
    
    Hope this helps,
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      2 years ago
      
      That's an impressive amount of care!
      
      I've already read this twice and you've raised some really good points.
      Still need to read it a few more times to digest properly, but thank you!
      
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      - olderdude-xx
        
        2 years ago
        
        Thanks. You might wish to research "protonmail.com" and its advantages.
        
        I only access it through a VPN to hide my location.
        
        I only access this site through a VPN as well (using firefox with maximum security and privacy settings), or Tor Browser (you should read up on that as well; and when you use it just use the default browser screen size - as that prevents anyone from knowing our computer screen size. Note:Tor uses an extremely secure and privacy maximized version of Firefox as its browser) - which also hides my computer info and location. For what I expect to be really suspect sites - I use both a VPN and Tor.
        
        I hope that helps you...
        
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  - RoyyRogers
    
    2 years ago
    
    It depends on the situation really. Have you known them awhile, did you exchange numbers, do you plan to meet in person one day? I occasionally give out my real name but I usually known them for a long time.
    
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Jamie_Sulky

2 years ago

I use a different name in different sites. I use Jamie for this site but theres many sites that I have completely different names to it as well. Honestly the best way is to rotate between pretty common gender neutral names. Like my name is different on reddit, and no one will ever find out which reddit account is mine because theres nothing to cross refrence.

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S0UNDS_WEIRD

2 years ago

Tell them your name is Malachi the Destroyer.

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PukeyMcDookie

2 years ago

I'd probably shorten the unique name to a more discreet nickname. My real name can also be shortened into a neutral one, not sure if that applies to yours. But as others said, meeting strangers over the internet isn't that big a part of most people's life anyway.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  One of my colleagues and friends regularly refers to me by a single letter based on a nickname for my birthname. Think along the lines of some of the James Bond characters
  
  The shortening of my other name is also a slang name for a drug, unfortunately!
  
  Nothing against drugs, but I don't and never have taken alprazolam (which is what my other name could be shortened to)!
  
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raisinbran

2 years ago

You should answer with your home address.

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ellnell

2 years ago

Wow who even cares. Why would you even need to respond to messages by strangers and who cares about a name, it's not like giving out your social security number lol. Just say your first name, you don't owe everyone your full name and I doubt they demand it. If I casually asked someone I was communicating with "whats your name" i'd think I was dealing with some kind of a obnoxious neckbeard if he suddenly went on a rant about "going by many names". Like chill dude, I just asked what your first name is because that's something that tends to be public knowledge and something you'd know about someone you're talking to.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Thank you for your time and minimal understanding :)
  
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  - Boojum
    
    2 years ago
    
    🤣
    
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notacatgirl

2 years ago

I mean I would just tell them my first name, I would never give out my full name to anyone I just know online

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  I'm not talking about that. I mean... I'm wary enough giving a first name because I go by so many
  
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  - notacatgirl
    
    2 years ago
    
    Ah ok
    
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GuvnorsOtherWoman

2 years ago

I only share on site or fora I am comfortable with. The name I use is not my birthname anyway.

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donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

2 years ago

my name is rumplestilskin

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- Somenormie
  
  2 years ago
  
  If your name is Rumplestilskin then my name is Pinocchio.
  
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a-curious-bunny

2 years ago

I use an alias or just refer them to my username

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S0UNDS_WEIRD

2 years ago

A) Your name is Ashley, huh?

B) Are you a spy?

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idkyourmom27

2 years ago

what's yo name dawg, I forgetz :3

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Anonymous Post Author

2 years ago

Please read my question and the details again before commenting further. Thank you.

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Anonymous Post Author

2 years ago

Why not? How not?

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LloydAsher

2 years ago

Why? Why would I give my information to strangers? Especially online!

Might as well give them your social security number and your credit card info.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Thank you for your time and minimal understanding :)
  
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RoseIsabella

2 years ago

Give em your first dog's name with the name of the street you grew up on.

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Are You Normal?

How should i answer when asked for my name by strangers online... and why?