How old is too old? is it normal that my lover is 36 years older?

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18 Comments

i met a guy in a bar, he bought me a drink and invited me to join his party, i did. we got on very well and i was on the rebound and i knew he was attracted to me so we flirted A Lot and exchanged numbers. it wasn't until the next day when we met up for coffee and went back to his house that i realised that i went to school with his son. who was 2 years older than me and that this guy is married. he is also 36 years older than me.
we've been having an affair for about 4 months now.
i know this isn't normal because i dont know anyone else doing it. but is it ok??

he makes me feel amazing and has just bought us a house for the times when we're together. FYI the sex is amazing and he is a real English Gent.

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Based on 75 votes (15 yes)
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Comments ( 18 )
  • NinjaAssasin
    13 years ago

    Do you realise that you're tearing apart his family? I'm sorry and I don't mean to offend you, but what kind of morals do you have? HE'S MARRIED!

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    • [Old Memory]
      13 years ago

      ninja assasin- yes he is married. they live separate lives and she knows he's had affairs in the past. she neglects him and he neglects her. their marriage was all ready in pieces before i came along.
      i do feel guilty for what i have done to her. but if their marriage was working then would he even need to have an affair? no.

      hard_candy- thanks, i do enjoy being with him. i've never thought about what i'd come out of the relationship with, its not something i go into a relationship thinking about. i enjoy his company and i'm just living for right now. which may sound foolish, but thats how i feel. he buys me gorgeous gifts (which i do not ask for by the way) and he treats me with respect, makes me feel wanted and he makes me laugh. the house is in his name, i am only 17. ((that may cause further controversy)) it is a place for the two of us to go when we're together. i will have a key so its somewhere i can go, as a kind of retreat.

      moomus- straying from his marriage is not something he did lightly. its hardly a good measure of how 'gentlemanly' a person is, no he's not perfect and he knows that; that doesn't affect the fact he treats me with respect and he is a gentleman. he knows what he is doing is wrong to his wife ((i'm not saying she deserves it at all)) but she is one of these wives who, even when faced with solid evidence, will turn a blind-eye on any wrong-doing. and that is what makes me feel for her the most. that she hasn't got the strength to stand on her own two feet. but there is nothing i can do about that.

      spacerandy- i didn't mention love, or hoping he'd leave his family for that matter. it would be cruel and unfair for me to do that to him. if he does leave then that is his choice. no matter what the situation; if any person is asked by a partner to choose between them or the kids, the kids should ALWAYS come first. if i did ask him to choose and he picked me, i would seriously question his integrity. that is not the kind of man i want in my life, and i'm quite sure thats not the man that he is.

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  • moomus
    13 years ago

    The one thing that stands out here is not the age, but the fact he's not "gentlemanly" enough to stay faithful to his wife. This should in itself speak volumes.....

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  • krizzle_292
    13 years ago

    You say that he is married and you ask if this is ok? Surely you can answer that one yourself

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  • aussiewolf
    13 years ago

    so you are happy that he is using you for sex?

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  • Hard_Candy
    13 years ago

    No, its not too old if you enjoy being with him which you obviously do. But my question is what are you getting out of this? Its obvious what he's getting- a young hot piece of tail.

    You say he just bought "us" a house. Is the house in your name? When the relationship ends, which it will, what will you get out of it? If all you'll walk away with is good sex you're a fool. If he's helping you through school, providing a monthly allowance, then you're in a mutually beneficial relationship and its fine. Then he's a sugar daddy. But you need to know upfront that he'll never leave his wife, it will eventually end, you're just fun and nothing more.

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    How old are you?

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    1st of all if 17 is legal age of consent in thier state, who cares who she loves? 100+ years ago, she might have 12 kids with him and have a large farm. Its a big gap, but if its legal in your state, Go for it. Love doesn't know age or color. God in a time where two men can marry, who cares.

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  • girrrl
    13 years ago

    How dumb are you? He's married so even if he is 2 months older than you it's too old. Break it off now. Would you like your future husband to treat you like that?

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  • BoredGuy
    13 years ago

    since you are asking, 36years is too old.

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  • YBNormal
    13 years ago

    It's normal, but I agree with both of the above posters... if he's married (you referred to it as an "affair" but I didn't see a reference to a wife) then this can only end badly.

    That doesn't mean don't do it. It just means "guard your heart."

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  • 0123456789
    13 years ago

    If he is a real gentleman and he really loves and cares for you, then he will divorce his wife, marry you, and have you become the step-mother of his children. But if he's too wimpy to divorce his wife and instead is only putting you on the sideline, then that is not love and you should not be with him. (For your sake and for his wife's sake, along with the sake of his children)

    And you should not fall for the previous poster who quoted "if he didn't cheat with you, it would be someone else" If we all lived by that mentality, then you should put yourself in his wife's situation. If he does end up with you in the end, how do you know he won't do that same to you. Everyone goes into a relationship with the hopes of "oh, but I know he/she really loves me" but in the end, only ends up in heartbreaks. You may think he really loves you, but don't justify it with, "if he didn't cheat with you, it would be someone else." You deserve someone better and so does his wife and his children.

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    • [Old Memory]
      13 years ago

      1st of all they are both cheaters. Knowing someone has a spouce, makes you just as bad for doing it. You both deserve each other. Have great Sex, and just don't put your heart into it. If he can cheat on his wife, and you can have sex with him knowing this, you both have relationship issues. Neither one of you are ready for a commitment, have great sex, and fun, and keep your heart out of it. I have been cheated on for 9 months, and i now know how to separate sex and love. I have been with 5 women since, and i am still with the one who cheated on me. I keep it just sex, and its better now. We have had 3somes, and all sorts of great sex. We are human, and 99% of people cheat emotionally or physically or both. If you are sexy, and want to have more fun, look me up :) Just sex, no strings attatched

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  • Joesplace
    13 years ago

    I don't agree with the married part, but the age thing has nothing to do with it.

    Other than that, if the two of you are happy, go for it :-)

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Glad to see you met my father

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  • JustBreathe
    13 years ago

    If you like him that's all that matters!

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  • spacerandy
    13 years ago

    Wow. I honestly doubt love is possible between two people with such huge age difference. There is no cheezy movie romance in the real world, not when you're dating your father.
    Odds are, he's not taking you or your relationship seriously, he's just having some fun with a young piece of flesh, and i doubt he will ditch his family for you, if thats what you're hoping for. If he does, he's a dumbass.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Someone has to give it to him. Imagine being with a 50 + year old woman? Old dry and stinky! Thanks for helping him, Got any sisters ha ha ? Just kidding! On the bright side, if he didn't cheat with you, it would be someone else. Don't confuse sex and Love, they are 2 totaly differant animals!

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