How long should i wait? i'm in love with him and i cant walk away iin

55% Normal
7 Comments

I've been dating/flirting with this guy. We've been sleeping together for almost a year. At first I just liked him and it was just sex and chillin( friends with benefits). when I first started to really like him he said he didn't want a girl friend, I respected that and let it go. we had about 3 fights and stopped talking for a week to a month, but when we would see each other we had no choice but to call or say something. Straight tension and soon it would be back on again. We split one time and I tried to date someone else, but couldn't get my mind off of him and ended the relationship. Then I realized I was in love with him. Since then our relationship has gotten deeper since I told him I liked Him again (months later) instead of just sex we had deep conversations, had ARE own spot( places we would park the car and talk), falling asleep in his arms( first guy I actually SLEPT with)and cuddling. Sadly our relationship is on the DL though we do a lot of public things still though. our friends( we hang in a group, 5 guys and me) don't know about us, hes a very private person and isn't one to talk about what he does or who with. Thinking I'm telling him something he already knows since we are all pretty tight. I told him the other guys were trying to talk to me. He was furious! They have caught us before(kissing, he doesn't care who sees nor do I)and to him he shouldn't have to say anything that its a mind your own business thing and if you think we're talking why would you even try. All the guys are my friends and now I know that even though he isn't my boyfriend he doesn't want me to hang with them alone individually. (turns out stuff has been said about me when I'm not there. Guy talk pretty much if you get the idea) He got mad that one of them touched me (flirting), but didn't say anything till we were alone. I realize now that he treats me like his girlfriend even though I'm not. Yet I do the same with him. I don't even date because I'm with him.( nor does he, after we hang out he always says "don't do anything you shouldn't" and I say it back) He says he doesn't want his friends to take his girl, that how can I say I like him and I act the way I do.( I do flirty things not intending to seduce the other guys but for him and sometimes I don't realize I'm doing it because of my personality) He doesn't trust me or the guys and Hes not ready to choose between his friends and his girl. I said I was cool with it and nothings changed but I'm not. I wanna tell people I'm with someone and go on a real date and experience a real relationship. I love him and I wont rush him but how long am I suppose to wait? Is this normal?

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55% Normal
Based on 69 votes (38 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • thinkingaboutit
    11 years ago

    I can't believe I actually read that.

    Well listen. Here are the basics:

    1) Your being stupid for hanging out with a group of boys, and thinking its happy dandy to be 'girly' around them. They will get a whiff of your womanly vagina, and if you already haven't been, you will be downgraded from 'friend' to 'object I must obtain before the rest of the pack'. It's a really awkward scenario a lot of girls (and guys) fall into when hanging out with a group of the opposite sex. But that's just based on my own experiences and observing groups of friends and what not.

    2) He's taking advantage of you. Period point blank. You definitely don't realize it, and he might not be consciously doing it. You are his girlfriend. He's just not willing to acknowledge it. It's all a game, my friend.

    I hate it when people say they can't do something. You can walk away from this, you just don't want to. You REALLY don't want to. You don't have to honestly. But, how long are you willing to draw this out? Eventually you will demand to be his 'official girl". He will either oblige or decline. Your relationship will either continue or end. I think that you are not demanding to be his girlfriend yet, because you are really afraid of the real possibility that he will reject you. Sorry, but love or not, you should have never slept with him AFTER the first time you suggested you make it official. In essence, what you were letting him learn is: it's okay, don't take what I want seriously, because I don't take it seriously myself.

    Pardon the lengthiness.

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  • moomus
    11 years ago

    Sounds like he's got his cake and eating it too. Doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you. Tell him to make the pair of you an official item or kick him to the kerb and find someone who treats you better.

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  • butternutty
    11 years ago

    First off, ask of he likes you. Not do you want to be steady, be boyfriend/girlfriends, etc. but during those deep conversation moments straight up ask him in a curious, insightful, non-interrogative way "do you think you like me or are you being possessive?" he only said he didn't want I e in a relationship now, but make sure you at least ask him if the possibility of you two happening is there and how much. It might just be the title of boyfriend and girlfriend that makes him uncomfortable. Or, it might just not work out, which then you'd need a back up plan. Regardless, at least assure him or let him know that you are and you will be committed so hold back on your flirting with others (not saying stop altogether or anything, just tone it down) good luck! =]]

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  • Minaj
    11 years ago

    I was in this same EXACT situation a little less than 3 years ago & HE'S STRINGING YOU ALONG !!!! & if you don't MAKE him make a decision, he'll be perfectly fine with you guys just being 'friends' for however long you let him, you can't be naive ; men are natural born manipulators & can be very charming ,. He KNOWS that you live him & KNOWS that you won't leave him so he's gonna continue to string you along & not make it official because you let him ; TRUST ME it hurts a lot worse if you drag this out bc I did, but now u don't think twice about the guy & he's worse if now ; but I'm perfectly happy & dating :)) do what's best for you but don't be a fool ,. Good Luck <3

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  • wero4
    11 years ago

    Maybe you fell in love with him because you broke up? In other terms, you missed the availability of him? Regardless of your feelings you don't seem to be dating now so he has no right to tell you with whom you should be. He really should not be stringing you along like this, I think you should give him an ultimatum, tell him you're tired of waiting or you could end up feeling used emotionally.

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  • BlackDays
    11 years ago

    If you two want to have fun together that's fine, but by saying things like 'don't do anything you shouldn't' implies that there is jealousy, which is silly, considering your not in an actual relationship. You have a relationship with him, but its not exclusive. Until you actually make it official, nothing either of you do apart from each other is anything you 'shouldn't be doing'. As for how long should you wait, that's up to you, but don't get strung along. Its a waste of both your time

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    I used to do this same thing with girls. Not to get ahead of myself or jump to anything but guys that are private and detached yet seem to be possesive are usually the devil in disguise because when you think about it those traits don't go together, It's ALL a very clever form of manipulation. Someone said he's got his cake and eating it too, thats probably right.

    Strangest thing is guys who do this don't learn it, it comes naturally.

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