How long does it take to stop being angry at a relationship?

6 Comments

Pretty much the title. I dated my ex for over 3 years and one day I came home and it was just "I'm not sure I want to marry you and you need to move out." He wanted a break but when I moved out I just stopped talking to him.
Its been a while since and am now happily married but I still keep getting flashbacks that make me angry. It wasn't the best relationship so I keep thinking that I should have left when he did this and that and blah blah. I guess I'm just mad he initiated the break up when I had been unhappy for a while. If it didn't pan out exactly how it did then I probably wouldn't have met my husband. Thinking that always stops the thoughts for a while but it's just a cycle that keeps on repeating.
Anyway, I just wanted to see if anyone else had any experience with this. If it matters, that was my first relationship. I guess that's why I stuck around longer than I should've.

1 year 4
2 years 4
You should be over it already 15
Never 1
> 2 years 4
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Comments ( 6 )
  • hootiemomma
    9 years ago

    It's unfair to your marriage to hold onto this anger as it may affect your mood at home and it's not your husbands fault. It's hard to let go or forget 3 years of your life but you won. You found a man who didn't just want to live with you, he wanted to marry you. Find a way to stop obsessing over the past and make peace with it. Focus on your marriage and your husband. That's a lot different than a boyfriend. You are so blessed. I'm single and would love to be happily married. Rejection hurts, but it was a blessing. It set you free to find true love and a lifelong commitment.

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  • anti-hero
    9 years ago

    Whenever you decide to let it go. Could be a month, could be the rest of your life. It's up to you.

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  • perfectxsilence
    9 years ago

    Oh dear, this is not "happily married" if you're still harboring any sort of feelings to your ex. These feelings should have dissipated long before you married your now husband. You shouldn't be thinking of an ex at all. I was with my ex for a while and it took me two years to get over him. I was even harboring negative emotions during the beginning of my next relationship but they disappeared when I realize I had fallen in love again. I'm now engaged to my best friend and my ex isn't even a blip in my memory. How can you say you're happily married when you hold negative emotions of a previous relationship? As someone with a background in psychology, that to me speaks of unhappiness and troubles in your current relationship. If you were completely happy and satisfied right now, you wouldn't hold grudges against past partners. He doesn't matter to you anymore, you need to let go. I would see a therapist for 2-3 sessions.

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  • davesumba
    9 years ago

    Different people have different ways and lengths of time.

    Could be half the length of the relationship.
    Some say one week for every month you were together.
    One may even think exactly 10,000 drinks, however long that takes.
    Then there's always the you can’t measure something like this in time; there’s a series of steps—from her bed to the front door. Bam! Out of there. Neeeeext!

    For me, You just have to completely stop thinking about them, stop yourself any time a thought about him crosses your mind. Eventually you'll forget about how he made you feel, and you'll be able to laugh it off. Took me about 6 months for a year long relationship.

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  • Tommythecat.
    9 years ago

    I think you think too much about shit.

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  • Freedom_
    9 years ago

    To me it seems easier to be broken up with than to do the breaking up. Appreciate the final chapter and the fact that you are no longer wasting your time and energy on the wrong person and perhaps this will help you move on.

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