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Dad's an alcoholic, he offends us when he's drunk, and sometimes gets pretty violent. He tried getting help but it was all for nothing, how can he accept us to love him after all he's got us trough?
is it normal that I still can't respect my father?
I don't understand your question so I will answer your last one. With a story. Yes, a story.
I have a... uh... let's say she is a friend. She was an alcoholic for many years, much to the detriment of her family. She slacked off on her parenting responsibilities as well as her duties as a wife. Her alcoholism did a lot of harm to her family and the whole time, she blamed the alcohol. She refused to claim personal responsibility for her actions and it was not until her husband threatened a divorce that she went into rehab.
Her family still does not respect her, as she still refuses to take full responsibility for her alcoholism and to be honest, I don't think that their lack of respect helps but it is a given when you have to grow up knowing that your Mom loved the bottle of alcohol more than you... or so it seemed anyway. It is normal and you are not alone, not by a long shot.
Addiction does crazy, horrible things to a person's mind. The science of addiction is fascinating but the bottom line of it all is that addiction, much like mental illness, tends to blur the line between what the addiction (or mental illness) is doing to the person and who the person actually is. I know it is difficult to do, but the best you can do is love your father but hate the addiction, much like your old "hate the sin, not the sinner" mentality.
The saddest part here is that your father is supposed to protect you from these kind of things and be your moral guidepost, and that is why it hurts so much more when you see a parent, who has a responsibility to their children to keep it together, act as fallible and irresponsible as your run of the mill human being. Your father is an addict and has a mental illness. The best you can do is try to remember that.
Well darling, he probably expects you to respect him knowing that you confuse 'accept' and 'expect'.
Ok, I'm sorry, that was mean.
But you are right. By no means do you have to respect him. Until he quits his addiction and steps up as a father, you have every right to think of him as a piece of shit.
Mustardism is a disease also i can't stop with it i need mustard on everything
Your father may not be the best but you should know that alcoholism is a disease which must be treated. It is very difficult to get out of this hell and the positive side of your story is that your father tries to get help. You should try to put to feelings aside and try to understand your father. He's an insecure man who, I think, wants to change and he needs a supportive family to succeed.