How do you manage near complete social dysfunction?
I put so much effort into listening to people and going out with them and paying attention to all their conversations which totally exhausts me and I cant even think of anything and just my mind feels sapped and it takes so much from me. And when they go I feel released and feel free and like I never want to go into that trap again of sitting around with people listening to them talk. I really cant be arsed with this shit. Im done with it now. People think I want to join in when I can barely understand whats going on and just want to get away.
The freedom of being alone or being with the one person who I get on with really well is so amazing and being with groups of acquaintances is so weird and wrong, like my personality isn't there, so I can't even think what I think. I can't access my thoughts and I don't know if I have any thoughts towards what they are saying anyway. I only have a personality with this one person mainly, and it takes no effort or anxiety to be with this person and its so much fun and feels so right. People think I'm scared to talk, stuck up, really shy etc. but to me they feel like shapes that I can't fit with. There's only been one person I really am myself with. I am not asking how can I change, coz theres no real reason for me to change, I don't need to sit around with acquaintances, mainly it was just to try it or I couldn't think of an excuse at the time. If this sounds like you, how have you managed it?