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How do you deal with controlling family who tries to dictate your life and ruin opportunities for you into adult hood. Obviously these people do not change but their influence can be destructive. How do you deal with it?
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I have family members that are controlling, particularly my dad...he's a great dad, but a little over the top. I just moved out at 18, and I kinda learned over the years what to avoid mentioning certain things to him. Essentially, he can't butt in if I don't tell him what's going on.
Occasionally, he'll shoot me a random email with loads of checklist shit that I should do...ways prepare for tax season, or job interviews for example, most of which I politely ignore, or listen to and decide against if need be. I'm able to keep things at arms length because I can control the flow of information, basically.
However, sometimes, he gives me long speeches and tons of unsolicited advice, and when he does, at this age, I usually grin and bear it. I do that out of respect for him. He is older; he has life experience, and I understand that he is just trying to relay that and that he only does it because he cares...sometimes he does offer things of value; sometimes he honestly believes he's right, even when he's wrong...so I hear him out, but I don't always follow his advice, because I recognize that it is my choice, and my decisions, and I will be the one dealing with the consequences, and that he can't control that.
I haven't had to deal with that but I imagine I'd just stay away from those people, family or not. That type of behavior is not awesome. If you can't get away from then, just ignore their negativity as much as possible, as draining as it may be.
There's probably no definite way to stop them from interfering with your life. But you could always talk to them about it. Do they know you feel this way? If not, let them know. They might not even realize how controlling they're being.
They honestly dont care. They believe they are helping but they just seem to be pushing for what helps them and not really what HELPS me.
The only thing you can do about people who have control over your life and are interested in helping themselves with it is do everything you can to keep information from them.
If this is TL;DR, skip down.
If you're 18, start disassociating them with people you know. Use businesses they don't use and don't tell them who you're using. Get a job, a bank account, your own cell phone, your own computer, and your own transportation. I know that some people in certain companies will still give parents information about their kids if they're young and live at home and they've known the parents for a while. Always use go to places they don't go to. If you really like a company they use, use a different location than they do where people don't know them. If it goes as far as them taking your mail, get a small po box and make sure all the companies you use know to send stuff there.
I don't know exactly what your situation is, but if they have their nose in everything, keep an eye on your credit report and/or score. Your bank can help you with more information on that.
tl;dr:
1. Use different companies and locations than them.
2. Get a job, a bank account, your own cell phone, your own transportation (can be bike, bus pass, other), your own computer, a po box- in that order.
3. Keep an eye on your own information to see that nobody is using it.
4. Don't tell them anything. They are not owed information. They have no right to it.
If you're under 18; get a job -but do not open a bank account-. Get a cell phone and transportation. Save money, give them as little info as possible. Wait until you're 18, then go through with the other stuff. Don't change anything else until then, as they will only tighten their grip.
Unfortunately, until you're 18, your parents own you.
Tell them that. Actually sit down and have a conversation about this to them.
Everything you're telling us, tell them.
You may be related by blood but that's not a family. Families don't do that to each other. Move out when you can and don't do shit for them. When they ask why just tell them how horrible they treated you and tell them to get off your lawn.
Starting going to a therapist and attending Codependents Anonymous. Also put money aside to leave if you're living with these relatives. If you're already living out on your own, and not financially dependent on relatives then I suggest to distance yourself, set some boundaries then cut ties if necessary.
Distance yourself. Find ways to develop your independence from them. Move out as soon as you are able.
By not dealing with them?
I mean, unless they are actively sabotaging your life, there is really no reason why you HAVE to respond to their demands.