How do i tell my friend to turn down his flame?

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4 Comments

Ok so one of my friends who I've known for almost 10 years is bi and I don't have a problem with that, but he's starting to go a little overboard with the whole "gay pride" thing ever since he came out about 5 months ago (even though he told me years ago) and it's starting to effect our friendship. It seems to be all he posts on FB and he's now a total stereotype of gay people, which kind of creeps me out. He's not the same dude who I knew before he came out. I barely even remember the last time me and him had fun the way we used to before he came out as bi. I'm glad that he's proud of who he is, but I think he needs to either go back in the closet, grow a pair or be the way he used to be. is it normal to think this? Am I overacting? And how do I tell him?

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63% Normal
Based on 24 votes (15 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • howaminotmyself
    9 years ago

    I had a friend do something similar. Once he came out to his parents he let loose. Kind of how kids often go crazy with the drinking once out of mom and dads control. Give him time to adjust. Talking to him about it may only cause trouble. You don't know what he is going through. Just be a supportive friend, not a judgmental ass.

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  • CountessDouche
    9 years ago

    I honestly think he'll tamp it down himself. Think about it this way: he spent years repressing himself, and for the first time he can be open about it and feel accepted. It's only human to be a little "over enthusiastic" at that point. I'm sure he'll find a balance once he has some time to readjust to the new lifestyle. I would give him a little time before you bring it up.

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  • modernism
    9 years ago

    His sexual orientation shouldn't change who he really is or consume his life, so either he's just faking this "persona" or this might just be the real him.

    I think you're a great friend and you're thinking the right way. I wouldn't just tell him to calm it down because this might actually be your friend being himself and he might've just been hiding under a different personality before (which would suck...). But then again, he could be faking it.

    So, I'd just ask. Just be like, "Hey, I know that coming out was a huge step for you and that it must've taken a lot of courage, but I feel like ever since, we've haven't had the same kind of friendship. I completely support you in this, I just kind of miss how we used to hang out before." etc.

    See how he reacts and takes this. That'll probably show you what persona is actually the real him. Good luck. :)

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  • Avant-Garde
    9 years ago

    I think your reaction to all of this is perfectly normal. I know that I would be very annoyed too. You should talk to him about it. As mentioned above me, this could be an act or it could be the real him. Regardless it is, he needs to know that he is taking it to far and that it is starting to get on your nerves. He may not want to be your friend anymore or he may he just be upset, but at least he will know the truth. It's better than some stranger telling him to tone it down. Oh! And when you tell him, make sure that he knows that you have no problem with the community in general because, he might try to accuse you of being a -phobe.

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