How do i reconcile with my niece, i may have sexually touched her as a kid?

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12 Comments

Before someone judges me, let me state that I'm not the same person I once used to be. And that incident happened involuntarily.

This is the daughter of one of my first cousins who's quite older. I was only 19,staying at his home for around a week. His daughter was like 8 or 9. I felt a strong attraction towards her, and dragged her to my bed. And we slept in each others arms. I remember that I did not grab her crotch, or anything sexual. She would herself frequently come to me and place herself on my lap. I would fondle her sometimes. But, I was really ignorant back then.

That little girl is a grown-up woman now who clearly remembers that episode. Every time I'm with my cousin's, she tries to avoid me even though her mom and dad are still very close to me. I knew I took advantage of her then. But, I have restraint now.

Should I discuss this topic with her, and make amends. I don't even know what to say.

It's all within the family but I don't think I am an abuser.

Voting Results
39% Normal
Based on 18 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • rayb12
    6 years ago

    Stay away from her. And continue to grow. Never speak to her again. You have lost this privilege.

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  • Boojum
    6 years ago

    Most abusers justify and excuse their actions, and they refuse to accept they are abusers, so your opinions mean nothing. Saying you have "restraint" now is also creepy, since that implies you still have the desire to sexually abuse children, but you believe you have this urge under control.

    Okay, you were younger then, but a nineteen year-old is an adult, and an eight year-old is very definitely a child. There might be shades of gray if she'd been sixteen and you were only three years older, but what actually happened is very clearly child-abuse.

    The way you refer to the girl seating herself on your lap and letting you fondle her is also a red flag about your present attitudes. What you're doing is saying that the child wanted you to do what you did, and that makes it all okay. Do you seriously have a problem grasping the fact that kids that age don't (or at least shouldn't) understand what sex is about? Are you actually incapable of accepting that there are very good reasons for the legal age of consent being considerably higher than eight years old in every civilized jurisdiction?

    The woman seems to be content to just let the past be in the past, possibly for the sake of family harmony. Respect her boundaries and leave her alone. Historical child-abuse is a big thing at the moment, so you should just hope that she doesn't think more seriously about the implications of having a proven child-abuser in the family, and how she'd feel if your "restraint" broke down again.

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  • TerriAngel
    6 years ago

    You lost me at dragged her to my bed.
    if you ever drag someone.
    or phrase it that way.
    youre in the wrong, I dont need to know anything more about you.
    do unto others.

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  • Pumpurrnickel
    6 years ago

    Stay away from her. The family bond that you could've had with her is long gone, because of what you've done.

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  • RoseIsabella
    6 years ago

    You are an abuser. You're still a fucked up person inside. Just leave her alone.

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  • VeganHindQuarters
    6 years ago

    ~FFS~ You sick "FUCK"

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  • Forgetme1989
    6 years ago

    Apologize and let her be

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  • Puppetmorty
    6 years ago

    1. It was not involuntary.

    2. You weren't "only" 19, you were an adult.

    3. Fondling is sexual.

    I hope that someday she will tell everyone what had happened. It doesn't matter if you apologize or not, it won't make a difference.

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  • NashamaTheWeird
    6 years ago

    If I were you I would get therapy.

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  • lonewolf1253
    6 years ago

    If I were you, I'd never mention it again to anyone. Not even online. And most of all, never do it again!

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  • Acollegeguy
    6 years ago

    Well I guess if you've changed now it would be a good idea to make up to her.

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    • VeganHindQuarters
      6 years ago

      ~ FFS ~

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