How do i befriend women without them liking me or wanting more?

13 Comments

The fault is mine. Apparently I have a personality or some damn thing that makes a great impression on women, or makes them like me. Who knows maybe I subconsciously flirt with them and that is the reason. Whatever it is, that's not the issue because it's a part of my personality and has been for years. I doubt it will ever change unless I chose to stay quiet.

The issue is I get along with girls so much better than guys, so naturally I prefer to talk to or hang out with girls. But nearly all the women I come across end up liking me or wanting more. Sounds fine, right? Except [long story short] I am not looking for a relationship right now. It is such an annoying conundrum. I currently have three proper lady friends that I don't live in the same city with anymore. And NONE of them see me as a friend. Even my best friend labels me as a "special friend" because her feelings for me have often oscillated from friendly to romantic in the past. She actually prefers we don't talk a lot because of this fact! Fail.

Any girl acquaintances I have, end up inching towards me for one reason or another. I thought I was making headway with this one girl who I have so much in common with, but then she starts lying to me that she doesn't have a bf. She also shares very personal things about herself and then says, "I dont know what made me share all that with you. I usually don't open up so easily" FAIL

Another chick I worked with a while back was married and sneaked out to have lunch with me or visit me at work without telling her hubby. Okay, her husband was a possessive freak who would rarely let her go out but still. She would tell me "I admire your xyz" or "Andrew, I think I married the wrong person." or "Would you date a girl like me?" She asked me to go running with her one day at which point I ditched her. Not sure if fail me or her. I would have not felt weird had she not acted that way with me.

I can keep on giving examples but you get the point. Is there a simple solution to this? I have tried a couple of times to make it clear I just wanted to be friends but I think they probably thought I was pulling a trick or got offended. All I know is it didn't work and they backed off. Lol.

Help?

A guy and girl can never be JUST friends. One always wants more 5
I have a suggestion or opinion for your ass (leave comment please) 0
You may as well give up and learn to hang out with guys 4
I got nothing for ya, buddy 9
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Comments ( 13 )
  • Fall_leaves
    9 years ago

    Don't hookup with them, just don't. It's just the closeness, it's hard not to have feelings for someone you confide in and hangout with one on one, try hanging with them in a group or with other friends.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Such a good point. I never thought about how hanging out in groups might help things

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  • Nokiot9
    9 years ago

    You act genuine and kind and crap like normal, but then say things like "I'm going out with this girl tomorrow night, but I have to email my mom her picture to see if it's okay first" or "I'm like 60,000 in debt" or hint about an std that you are taking antibiotics for lol

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  • Freedom_
    9 years ago

    Lesbians. Ancient fucking lesbians.

    Honestly I don't understand the need to isolate your friendship to one sex. Finding good friends is hard enough without excluding half of the world's population.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    Honestly, I don't see any way out from this. I've had similar experiences. I used to get along with women far more than guys and it would end up like this. Most of the ones I knew would end up being "interested" when I wasn't and it would cause drama.

    I even ended up being silent after a while in general. Obviously not "silent", silent but I would keep to myself unless I had to go against that. Even then this crap would happen.

    So I don't know what you could do...Actually, now that I think about it I do. Ditch being friends primarily with women. Try connect more with guys (not gay guys...I went down that road and it's not any better). That way you don't have to deal with the drama and you don't have to change who you are.

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  • Exoticgirl
    9 years ago

    To long and my english not good. What is that about? I need friond to help my english.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    I have the exact opposite situation. I have way more female friends than any of my male friends do, but no current sexual or romantic connections with any of them. I have no clue how that stuff is supposed to work. I don't know what advice I could give but I may be able to tell you why dating/sex/romance is so confusing to me. I don't do any of it on purpose though.

    -my communication is completely verbal. I cannot read body language and don't seem to express it.
    -anything emotional confuses me. I dont seem to connect with anyone either.
    -im usually friendly but randomly say horribly insensitive things without knowing. I only know because i am told that a lot.
    -i have no fucking clue how to relate to anybody and think everybody is stupid.
    -i can be very annoying and immature.
    -i get mad when people ask me for things.

    At the same time I am entertaining, funny, talented and interesting, so people want to be around me. Just not for very long.

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  • davesumba
    9 years ago

    My problem is, how do you befriend women without them thinking that I'm the one who wants something more. They think I'm just some flirty player, and they disregard me. But in reality, I'm just a genuine nice guy who wants a platonic friend.

    I've never really had your problem. I guess one time there was this crazy ass girl (think HIMYM crazy eyes), who sat next to me one day my freshman year of college and started talking. We hung out a little and talked, she was nice but kind of stalker status. Then one day I was eating with her and her friend, when she went to get something, her friend was like, she likes you, do you like her. I was like, let me explain to you the Hot-Crazy Scale (HIMYM). I never heard from this girl after that, until one day I was at a club with my friend and he started dancing with her, not knowing her story. He ended up sleeping with her, and she wouldn't leave him alone. She'd text him all day, and after the next time they had sex, she refused to leave his room, so he had to basically tell her that he just wanted to fuck her and she needed to gtfo.

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  • shuggy-chan
    9 years ago

    I dont normally give advice, but i suck out of work to give u some cause ur so special ;)

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Meh. I knew there was going to be someone who would mock me, accuse me of secretly claiming to be special, or label this post as bullshit.

      I'm not special. I swear to God I have never claimed to be nor acted like it. If you knew my life story you'd know what a neat failure I really am. That [long story short] was me elaborating on that when I realized it wasn't necessary. Oh look, just saying that second last sentence made my eyes misty. So clearly I'm not much of a man either. If you still aren't convinced I'm not special, I can give you some true factoids about my life to shatter that assumption.

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      • shuggy-chan
        9 years ago

        im just teasing, honestly you probably a "sub"couscous flirt. if so many women get the wrong idea from you.

        I know im a shameless flirt and flatterer, but when it comes to more serious relations i struggle to know how serious im committed to if with alot of people.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          9 years ago

          Normally I would have interpreted that as teasing 10/10 times but I think I'm just frustrated and clearly desperate for some miracle insight or answer. Thanks for responding though

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          • shuggy-chan
            9 years ago

            no probs, and i guess there are worse problems to have

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