How can i fix this? :(

12 Comments

For a year and a half I've had an amazing boyfriend. He's wonderful in every way, hardly a flaw to him, always loves me deeply and tries to support me in everything that I am. I'm so lucky to have him, but I've finally realised that I truly don't deserve him.

You see I have very bad mood swings, and can be deeply manipulative. I have so many of my own problems (anorexia, self harm, inadequecy issues, etc) that I've expected him to trudge through with me. I've taken him for granted, and ignored him when he said he couldn't take it.

Earlier today he asked for a break from the relationship, it only being temporary so he can get his head in track. I had a mood swing and told him that if he left I wouldn't take him back. Emotional. Blackmail.

This of course confused and upset him greatly, he started asking why I would reject him, and asking if he just wasn't good enough. Of course I told him he was more than good enough, he's the only man I've ever truly loved, but I couldn't handle a "half-hearted" relationship.

Now he's asleep, and it's finally hitting me how hard on him I've been. I should just let him go, but the possessive side of me hates the thought of losing him forever. I have this intense urge to keep him under my thumb, but I just don't want to hurt him anymore! Please tell me, what should I do?

Leave Him 15
Fix Myself 70
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Comments ( 12 )
  • bananaface
    12 years ago

    Regardless of whether he's part of the equation or not, you should work on yourself and become more stable, since it looks like you want to change.

    You're really lucky to have a guy like that, so I wouldn't throw it away especially since he wants to be there. Leaving him won't solve anything, it will leave you both upset. Instead you should work on yourself and the way you treat him, not only will you improve but the relationship will as well.

    Also, I suggest you tell him exactly what you've wrote here if you haven't already, he might be oblivious to why you're acting this way:)

    I hope everything turns out well, and please stop looking at yourself in that way, it's not healthy and he's obviously there for a reason:) Appreciate how great you are, you've got a great guy, and you deserve him!!:D

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    • taciturn
      12 years ago

      I was going to say something but then bananaface said it all.

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      • Hmmaybe
        12 years ago

        Same here

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  • lc1988
    12 years ago

    Leave him and fix yourself. It's pretty selfish to keep him miserable. Let him find someone better.

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  • DiscoDuck
    12 years ago

    He has one flaw that I can see, low self esteem.

    No doubt he sees the same flaws in you that you see in yourself, yet he stays. No doubt he thinks he can't do any better.

    As banananana said, you should tell him in one way or another what you said here. Maybe not in detail, but you could just sum it up instead.

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    Why don't you apologise and then learn to control yourself before you lose him completely?

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    12 years ago

    Why don't you talk to a therapist?

    You can even include him on the sessions if you want. Some psychologists actually like meeting other family members or partners to get a feel for the dynamics of the relationships, or to see where genetic traits are at play.

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  • Alison89
    12 years ago

    I'd be out of that relationship so fast, you'd forget I was ever even there.

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  • Ihadtomakeyetanotheraccountffs
    12 years ago

    I would say stay with him but you seem too unstable to actually carry on without hurting him... dunno.

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  • Ramit10
    12 years ago

    Tell him what you just told us. Tell him you want to remain good friends but you need to work on yourself first and later down the road if things are going well then you 2 will retry the relationship

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  • AngelMedusa
    12 years ago

    You sounds exactly like me, but my boyfriend has been supportive to me so far, I'm afraid exactly something like this might happen!
    But I have bipolar though so I have an excuse to be a psycho...

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    You should fix it very carefully.

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