Hey death, you seem nice but nah

64% Normal
12 Comments

I've always just felt like I don't deserve to live. I always let people down, I let myself down, I'm unwilling to make anything right for myself. Being as pessimistic as I am, death has always seemed pretty inviting. The world would be better off without a person as shitty as I am, honestly. Yet, still, I feel this need to fight to survive. That no matter how bad things can get, death just wouldn't solve it. So I'm just stuck in this paradox of despair and reason.. wanting to die but knowing that I shouldn't.. I hate it. Is it normal?(it probably is but advice would help, thanks)

Voting Results
64% Normal
Based on 44 votes (28 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • chained_rage
    9 years ago

    And here we go for the 100th time
    Hand grenade pins in every line
    Blow them up and let something shine
    Going out of my fucking mind
    No denying, no excuses
    Find a new place to hang this noose
    String me up from atop these roofs
    Tie 'em tight so I won't get loose

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  • 213
    9 years ago

    All i can say is don't GIVE UP

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    • Ace09
      9 years ago

      Nah, he's just kidding. U can give up now!
      See u soon!
      Death

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  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    It really isn't all that hard to turn things around, if you want to.
    I would highly recommend you find a few positives in your life and turn your depression into a mad desire to live every second of this life to the fullest. Death will get us all soon enough, and that is only nothingness. No afterlife, rebirth or heaven or hell. No second chances to do things right. Just nothing.

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    • despuit
      9 years ago

      I will up vote that, with adding "Just perceivably nothing"

      I've suffered from depression turned cynicism turned nihilistic turned neutral, is really hard to change things around without motivation. Depending on how your outlook and beliefs are locked in things can simply remain in a state of futility. Standard depression and stuff, yeah go out and immerse yourself with "positive" things and it will come back to you. But if you don't believe it in you'll just stay empty. The desire has to come from the enjoyment of what your doing. I am taking the steps now to put myself outside my comfort zones and just forcing that of which I don't like upon myself by finding alternative positives. I am just going to go live out in the woods, no electricity and is winter. So to stay clean gym membership, may as well workout while you're there. Positive reinforcement, nothing to do during the day work at a temp agency. No rent means more saved, wait till you can put a reasonable down payment on a house. Nothing to do after work go to the library, study, use the computer a bit. Go back to the woods, repeat. Work weekends and the days you're off just go out do whatever you want.

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  • poopforlunch
    9 years ago

    its normal thats life for ya though just deal with it until death takes you maybe hes busy right now

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  • CrazyPerson1
    9 years ago

    I have literally been as close to suicide as holding a knife up to my neck and just barely stopping myself from slitting my throat. You will not find help in others. you will never be more alone. but being suicidal does pass. My suicidal thoughts just picked up and left one day in the middle of the afternoon. It felt like I wasn't drowning anymore. I'm not suicidal anymore but i agree. Life does not feel like it is worth living anymore. I am not normal.

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  • despuit
    9 years ago

    Don't know why I couldn't reply however @RawSodium

    Yeah sometimes that can be your downfall as well. Body will in some cases/stages produce anxiety attacks to prevent harm from happening to the body. Acts as a fight response, purely irrational and annoying as hell. Why can't we make are own choices, I know we sometimes make rash decisions but if that had developed when I was younger I would have probably killed myself in the process of suppressing those episodes. Like I just deal with it now, and over time you learn to control the triggers but is annoying none the less. Especially consider I don't believe in death... the bodies will to live on right. For they are legion, a multitude of cells screaming out in pain locked to your whim. Is one thing to kill yourself yet in reality you kill billions.

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  • wistfulmaiden
    9 years ago

    Life sucks but death isn't so great either.
    My grandma used to say it in Russian( paraphrasing)
    There will always be something good no matter how small or infrequent so try to focus on that.

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  • TrustMeImLying
    9 years ago

    Survival instincts. Your mind's more powerful/resilient than you think =)

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    • despuit
      9 years ago

      Yeah sometimes that can be your downfall as well. Body will in some cases/stages produce anxiety attacks to prevent harm from happening to the body. Acts as a fight response, purely irrational and annoying as hell. Why can't we make are own choices, I know we sometimes make rash decisions but if that had developed when I was younger I would have probably killed myself in the process of suppressing those episodes. Like I just deal with it now, and over time you learn to control the triggers but is annoying none the less. Especially consider I don't believe in death... the bodies will to live on right. For they are legion, a multitude of cells screaming out in pain locked to your whim. Is one thing to kill yourself yet in reality you kill billions.

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  • MaximumLove
    9 years ago

    Well done! I thought the headline was classic lol. Great spelling and grammar by the way, it's always quite refreshing this day in age. (Not trying to use flattery here.) it's a deep subject brother I'm trying to think how to keep this simple. "I personally think life in general can be pretty shitty and you don't need to look far to be convinced. However (and I think I am a pretty negative person overall) I try to always be nice, kind, loving and attentive to those closest to me and that seems to be my best medicine." There's no happiness in life with selfishness, you can't be truly happy on your own, no matter how hard you try to please yourself. Be kind, true, loving, gentle and generous to those closest to you. That's where happiness lives!
    To tell you a little about myself, I am not a crazy person (I don't think) I am not some freaky God warrior. Just a 30 yo professional male, my worst attribute would probably be regularly smoking weed.
    My advice - buy 'The Secret' DVD, not the book. Watch it once a week for one year and your life will never be the same.
    You are amazing. The best is yet to come. Lots of love and best wishes. Mike R.

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